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February 2021

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This is my 65th piece since I ever started writing. I could mention a couple of people who have stuck around through this journey, and I am grateful. The pieces with the most views for sure that utterly amazed me, I’ll give a link of three. MR.SUBARU GUY.

MY HOLISTIC PERSPECTIVE AS AT 2021

STRUGGLES OF A MAN

The man decided to groom himself and become better after the restlessness of an empty room. A room that was once shared by him and his partner for 6 years was so empty that you could hear the echo from the background as he spoke. Over time, I have come to understand the struggles that men go through irrespective of them probably owning a German machine. So many people lose their own souls thinking that material gain will redeem them of their relevance and significance. The real test of a man is actually when he has money, power and fame. The real test of a woman is when her man has nothing. A marriage will surely be tested but how many people cling on to the vows? for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health?

He met her in church. Women who have been going to church and are saved will tell you proudly ‘I was attracted to him when I saw him speaking in tongues’. The men on the other hand will know that the woman is the wife material because she knows God and she’ll raise the children in the ways of the Lord plus she’ll be submissive because its written in the scriptures. Well, at least its better than meeting the lady in Sabina joy or whiskey river dressed skimpily and drunk waiting for the rescue of a friend to take her to a cab. She will definitely recollect her thoughts in the morning that is if she will wake up in her house . He was a big guy who is tall , light, wears jeans every single day and he is a chef by profession. She is a young lady , light, plump and very religious. They met in a church at Ngong road and she was an usher. That day Rogers couldn’t stop staring at this usher who at some point would praise God and even fall down because she was filled with the holy spirit. Rogers was looking for a wife and this lady, would be his wife in a couple of months. Some men have a fixed mind of finding a wife and everyone who crosses their path is a solution to the puzzle entirely making wrong decisions. I don’t get it how it is enough to figure someone out just by the mere attempt of them memorizing the chapters of the whole book. it sis a factor to be considered but surely it cant be the only thing you look for.

Rogers had found a wife after the service and well, she played hard to get by giving responses of ‘I’ll pray about it for Gods’ guidance.’ That’s a very good thing of course but a revelation was passed immediately she saw the car at the parking lot. Grace is her name. The second time she ushered people in she was particular where her answered prayer would sit and she saw a different car parked when the man came to church. Grace smiled, and ushered him just to the last line of the pew. She gave him her number this time before he even asked for it. Jehovah had answered her prayers and Grace would even call Rogers ‘brother’. The brother in question had just found what he was looking for. A couple of dates here and there while keeping everything holy until the wedding day. The master chef would invite her for dinner at her house and such romantic things would give her assurance that this was Boaz from the bible and she was definitely Ruth. 7 months into the relationship Rogers and his guys went for an introduction which in turn would be a ruracio and then the white wedding. This couple started a family and 4 years later they had two kids. 2020 was their 5th year in marriage and since the hospitality industry was hit hard by covid-19, the sole bread winner lost his job. Marriage was tested. Grace was used to a type of lifestyle that she didn’t know existed until later realizing that the man had loans . Grace had been a house wife from the time she was married and this role is not easy either .

From the time the country started its first lockdown to December, Rogers had sold his car and his wifes’ car and the man was in distress. Fights were increasing every single day due to expectations and lack of understanding. The fights were numerous prior to the financial stress but in 2020 they had just intensified. This couple was living in Loresho and it was a big house with a condominium. the condo wasn’t really an apartment rather lets just result to say that he was lucky to find an SQ which was beautiful in Loresho. Grace started having an affair with their landlord and the kids would be left in the care of the Rogers who was really struggling to make ends meet. Grace would sneak out during lunch hour and switch off her phone sometimes leaving the kids by themselves watching nickelodeon. The gardener just had to tell the man due to empathy and probably because they understood each others ancestral doctrines. The man has no job, he has sold his cars, he has loans, there are fights every single day and to top it all, the wife has an affair with the man he has to look at in the eyes for two months and tell him to be patient he will sort him soon.

One afternoon he decided to go home earlier than expected because I mean , a man just cant sit at home and look as if he isn’t trying. he went to his landlords house and a man in fury let himself in only to find Grace with his landlord cuddling. the owner was a white old man probably in his sixties. The most painful thing was the wife didn’t dare move or flinch to show remorse. that apology thing because you got caught. She laid there in the arms of an old man and they had been having this affair for quite sometime. Everything crumbled and it was painful because of the genesis of their meeting . He was a huge guy and he was dealing with his own self esteem issues and he started questioning himself if that could be the reason why Grace committed adultery. He was a guy in his mid thirties and he cried like a baby for the very first time in a long time. painful tears and he went to his house only to find two innocent children watching TV and once they saw him, it was all hugs and kisses from daddy. Grace didn’t come home that night and they had nothing to eat so they opted for Weetabix and that night he cried . There is nothing as painful as being faithful to an unfaithful partner who is unapologetic. In the morning after the kids had just had Weetabix again Grace showed up and she said hi to the kids and went to the room to actually pack her belongings. she was tired of the marriage and a lot of insults followed after that.

He sat there defeated and empty. He was in the dark. He was depressed and he was shattered. He was a wounded man. Grace left with her things and the room looked empty. She hadn’t left with the kids. 2 weeks later he found an eviction notice and he took his kids to his mother who lived in Buruburu estate. He had to start from scratch. A friend had his back and he took some of his stuff as he sold others. A defeated man had to move back home to his parents home. In 2021 January he filed for divorce and that was the beginning of his turning point as he got a job at the voyager hotel-Mombasa. One becomes better after kissing the floor. Zero is the best place to begin again because you really have no option because you know better meaning you choose better. The kids would still question why mummy isn’t around.

The grass is never greener on the other side. Rogers decided to groom himself by working out and dressing better . becoming the head of chef was actually a promotion in a way bigger hotel.it could only get better. Grace still exists but we know nothing much other than she moved in with an old man and abandoned her husband and children. it gets better with time. I shall revisit this story soon.

True story…..read, share and the newsletter is meant to be followed. cheers to the 65th.

If this was a movie then our introductory song would be ‘breathe by Mako’. This is the month of love and it is what it is. Well, there are people with different opinions but maybe you haven’t experienced the kind of love that strikes a cord. There are three things in life that remain a mystery; death, life and love. The kind of love that makes the back of your hair stand. You don’t have to have a lover or a spouse to show love but you can always project it to your family members or friends. This month ladies got expectations and may your wishes be granted because the right one will prove that you matter. Remember, you don’t ask for too much, you are just asking the wrong one. Well, I had a great conversation with a gentleman who is in his early 40s. We are chilling at brew bistro the one along Ngong road and this gentleman who is a distant relative but more of my friend. He spots me coming in as per the agreed time and he stands waiting to give me a hug because it had been a minute.

Micah is his name and he pulls me a seat then moves to seat directly opposite me and he signals the waiter who’s name is Sam to serve me. It’s a hot afternoon and at this time the lounge isn’t really packed and the music is chilled, the summer house playlist and a little of the weekend playlist then it switches to EDM and I am enjoying every minute of it. Of course I order Mojito . This very well cultured man insists I order food and well, chicken curry and rice was served. This whole time we are having cliché conversations that are small talks and nowadays I’m into in-depth conversations so I switch it up. I deflect from stories like ‘how is baby number three and Victoria his wife to what’s new?’ He’s having wings and his glass has something brown in it but now he starts smiling while talking about his car which is parked down the lounge and its super cool. A black Discovery just makes me think he’s doing very well in life because I mean, you can’t simply buy it at half a million shillings. He talks about business and his new venture about exports and imports that seem so technical. In the middle of this conversation his wife calls to inform him that she’s done with the salon and she was asking if he could fetch her. The pet names they use makes me smile as if I’m eaves-dropping but well , it wasn’t private either. He refers to his wife as love bug and oh how he addresses his wife with so much affection even after 18 years of marriage with three kids is phenomenal. This is the kind of man that stepped into marriage with pure intentions to actually love wholeheartedly. This is a couple with deep chemistry. So he tells the wife to get a cab and come to brew bistro then they’ll go shopping afterwards.

Victoria comes to where we are with a glow on her face and I can see her baby bump. Baby number 4 is on the way and with arms wide open he hugs her for a couple of minutes and grabs a seat for her between both of us. Her nails have been done and she has been braided and her eyebrows have clearly been done. She is a beautiful lady but the glow is finite. she’s wearing this floral mini dress and open flats. Sam the waiter comes back and he orders for her a glass of cocktail juice. Victoria smiles at me and I’m in awe of the lady that she is. The support system that she has is soothing enough to make anyone believe that chivalry and affection does exist.

I’m sipping my mojito and all of a sudden the talk switches to ‘Twalha and her achievements.’ I knew that I wouldn’t dodge the bullet about me introducing my man to them. The bullet definitely hit me with a lot of counselling sessions and how time is flying. This is a couple that got into marriage when the lady was 26 years and the guy was 27 years old so now add plus 18 and do the math. Micah in his words ,”Twally let no one come in your life as a fence seater. Someone got to have a plan for you and make you feel appreciated and if that man doesn’t make you smile or glow don’t introduce him to us. It is like deciding going to Nakuru and you know the route that leads to Nakuru then someone takes a detour to Mombasa but since you are just following you go to a place that you didn’t want to go in the first place. have a plan and let him have a plan then decide which direction you’re headed without detours. There are so many jerks out here. A man that can’t even give you girlfriend allowance is trash.” I look shocked by this statement and he signals and Vicky with a smirk. “look at the guys she’s been dating.” Vicky interrupts and she’s quick to say that times have changed. shocked by his wife’s message, he interjects that “I was young and I would come through for you love bug. I’m not saying that you ask, but I’m saying its common sense that he knows he has a girlfriend and she needs to look good and happy. He needs to spoil you while dating and spoil you a lot more when he marries you. Twally by the way don’t introduce us to irresponsible men.” Victoria and I laugh because this was more of an order but to be honest, I was laughing because I just learned that there’s girlfriend allowance and I’m flashbacking to what the hell I’ve been doing.

Micah wants me to go for lunch at their home the following weekend with this imaginary man and I cower. Vctoria calls her house manger to confirm if the children have eaten and if there’s anything that they need. I could hear ‘crackles mummy from the background’. Micah is still on my case. He continues, ” it will be very bad that we are your mentors then you settle with a jerk. If he’s rude to you, run. If he hits you I swear Twally call Vicky here because shes a lawyer. Women love what they hear, so I hope he compliments you genuinely . Your job is not to teach a man how to love you but follow that gut feeling. unajua madem wanapenda tu kupendwa (women love to be loved). kwani what do I do to Vicky, she’s working, she’s a lawyer but my role as a man immediately I got her and we got married is to ensure that she never lacks. She’s fully catered for and now its not girlfriend allowance but wife allowance. I don’t even ask her for her cash but she’ll add things that are needed. Her car when it needs to go to the garage it will be taken and the insurance will be sorted. The point Twali is that achana na watu hawajijiui. watu wa mchezo na hawasemi wanataka nini.“(Let go of guys that dont know what they want. guys that aren’t serious in life.)

Its 4:02p.m and now the place was getting full. The ambience meant that you had to shout to be heard because the genre had changed to something hyped. Micah pays the bill and pulls the chair for his wife who was quite heavy and we left. I’m behind this couple, and he’s holding her waist as we go towards the parking lot. He is holding her with so much caution or maybe because she’s heavy. This man opens the car door for us then he moves to the drivers seat. I escort them to the junction mall where they did some house shopping and snacks for the kids. Victoria was craving sweet bananas, oh the things pregnant women crave for is hilarious. True to his word, this man paid the bill and they dropped me home .

Take home points.

  1. Chivalry does exist and it just depends whom you choose as your partner. These things are normal for some guys but exaggerated to some men. What lovers do is that they treat you like a queen and they don’t complain because its a norm.
  2. Silent treatment is for children. Go play with mud and dolls then grow up and get into a stable relationship. i mean who has time for nonsense.
  3. Your man should provide fully, protect and profess. Its not hard. Islamically if you are a woman and you decide to provide then that is considered as charity. The man is obliged to provide. It is very good that during premarital counselling its stated before nikkah. A woman 100% does not owe money to the household apparently this is a practice that only gentlemen will understand.
  4. If a man is mature enough to settle down, he won’t complicate issues. He’s sober enough to know that I need to cater for my family and my wife is my priority. You could have as well let her stay with her parents. There’s a reason Adam came on board before Eve. By the time Eve was in the picture, Adam had obligations like tilling the land, Genesis 31.
  5. Girlfriends allowance and wife allowance is actually a thing. A man just taught me this. Doesn’t he wants to see you look good and smell good ? if he’s shallow minded he’ll rant. Most times we blame ladies who go for rich men or older men but really, delve deep into situations to understand why.
  6. Lovers are friends. They chill, they laugh, they love. How Micah looks at Victoria will melt your heart.
  7. In this institution where everyone is divorcing and people are breaking up, there are people who enjoy every minute of it and I pray that you find that.
  8. If you can go to the salon and your lover picks you without complaining, you just hit the jackpot.

lets finish this blog by listening to “what lovers do by Maroon 5 and SZA.” May love find you. thank you for reading and share share and share.

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