I stood there, wounded…numbed and in love. I never knew I would be stupid in love but he was my muse, my unicorn and my kind of perfect. I had high expectations I guess but someone needs to clear out how you’ll invest time and soul without expectations. Is there a school to teach about expectations? If this was a movie then the background song would probably be ” expectations by magic.” This particular day though, the only song I wanted him to sing would be ” kiss me by magic.” Forgive my obsession with magic but if that day was February 14th then I’d play “red dress by Magic.” I was freezing because I had to take an uber there by 5:30-6:00 a.m and there I was , not sure whether he would dismiss me even if he opened, not sure he would open and embrace me but did he open? Man is not God, where you will knock and He will open with open arms nor Is God like man where He will leave you guessing if you matter or not.
So many women are single especially the ones with kids but not because they want to but maybe because it’s easier living that way….I will use the word ‘expectation’. The thing is love, love and love again but to whom? I had found him. I was done kissing frogs. He treated me like priority and never an option. The kind of man who will not leave you guessing for a reply an hour later. The kind of man who would call me even before I did and the kind of man who would stop at my office exactly 5’o clock to pick me up without an idea of our destination. I loved him and he loved me too well at least that would be my idea of love. The kind of man who would book for a spa date just because working in a bank would drain the energy out of me. He got me, oh yes he did. When a boy tells you he loves you, he doesn’t say it with such actions, he means it with actions. His actions was arm chained to him hanging out with my VIPs in life. What if love is for the birds, what if love is a scam and what if love is meant to be felt for a while even 20 years waking to the same person and one day, it’s meant to end. Tragic is loving the wrong person but aren’t there red flags prior to settling?
He had this confidence that would shift the ambience to him. With the attention he got, he would show me off as his woman. His unicorn… his muse and a rare petal. Crème del crème was we prayed together. I was smitten. He was too good to be true. This guy was a problem solver…. tell him to find x and he’ll give you the answer immediately. He was not the kind to say “I don’t know how we will fix it.” He would say ” this is what we need to do.” Yes he uses the word “we” in every conversation like I did matter . Talk about him delivering lunch to the office and random road trips. What’s there not to love and what’s there not to fight for?
One day… I get a disturbing call . The calls that you wish never existed and the ones that change your life completely. I pick up and as I answered, the voice wasn’t so familiar but a lil foreign. It was a notice of warning that my supposed man is getting married , arranged marriage for that matter. I laughed it off and my man, called Vance was out of reach. Day one he called but sounded distressed and I could feel tension. I never asked about the situation because I’d prefer it coming from the horses mouth. Day 2… ” good morning sunshine ” turned to ” May God make it easy for both of us today. Good morning babe.” Day 3… our date had to be cancelled. Day 4 … I’m leaving town . Day 4- day 9 I never heard from Vance.
I couldn’t believe I was loosing my unicorn under my watch. After the weekend I was sure he had to resume to his duty even if he ghosted on me. I would smell heartbreak and ugly truth just as a vampire would smell blood from afar. I had my body trembling, my knees weak and my mind and soul, emptiness. I was empty but being the girl I am, I would rather fight than let go. Well, there are things to let go but this man wasn’t one of them. This was my man whom we had prepared to move in together and settle down. This was my man whom I house hunted with. This was my man who would make my cloud shift from nimbus to sunny. The silence was too loud and it was unlike him. My biggest fear was confronting this particular phone call because then it was all a lie.
I was too worried but because of the silence and its natural to be worried when your loved one goes deaf silent on you and the news weren’t making this easier . Reports of abducted people and accident deaths were too many. Even if he dies, he would be buried the very same day and I was worried. The most crazy thing was to show up but that day my job didn’t matter but my man did.
I knocked at his door. One knock, silence. Twice, silence. Thrice, exam room silence other than shuffling of booklets. At this point I’m looking at his car in the parking lot and I had to reread the number plate. It was Vance car. It was my mans car and my uber driver waved goodbye but It was the least of my concerns. I only bid him goodbye because of courtesy. I wasn’t raised to be rude even to a janitor. My knees are weak, my feet are cold but I am sweating. The fourth knock…. my tears were flowing without notice. He opened , he hugged me and we both cried. Painful tears… everything had just changed and ” six degrees of separation by script” would be the end of the movie song if this was at all a movie.