According to the urban dictionary, this is the meaning of flings; “deliberately short-term sexual relationship between two people. Longer than a one-night stand, not as serious-sounding as “affair”, more frankly physical than the discreet or twee “dalliance“, the word has the associations of a much-needed sexual relief from stress, worry or hang-ups. No deep personal involvement required, just the sex and a bit of attention.”

In his arms she felt secure and protected but uncertain of what was to come because in the end, one party must crash. She met him during a concert. Most of the times the people who have updates on concerts are bourgeois and she was just that type. Thick locks, floral dresses with boots and most times, red lipstick. Nairobi… there’s much to talk about and these streets are cold. The one you thought was yours wasn’t even yours in the first place and in fact, you are the side piece. ‘umdhaniaye ndiye, siye’. He would always give her the much needed attention that women crave for. A few calls here and there and texts to show that she crossed your mind. He would pick her from work occasionally and take her home. In her head, this was a relationship but in his head this was fun or lets say situationship and I still don’t understand why we never dare to question. I mean, dare to question from the beginning and know your place. If long term is what you want then say and if its fun just say. The guy had a BMW and these guys, Subaru owners, Benz and Mark X never need anyone’s opinion especially the ones who are in their early 30s.

Guys crashed on her because she had an outstanding personality. Bubbly, educated, opinionated, expressive and dressed in a fashionable way. She has a YouTube on the side meaning she’s a content creator, thus very expressive. Those ladies who go to Naivasha and now its Vasha just incase you weren’t in the loop. Posting on her Instagram a glass of wine facing the sun I guess its a reflection of art . She’s the type who is so good with blending of contours and blushes, I guess you know what I mean. The type that can rock a hood dress with sneakers, shades and a back pack and all heads would turn. Vee is her name. The guy was the type that would wear hood, sweats and sneakers and still make ladies start questioning if he’s single or not. Imagine the things that that impress girls. He owns a speed bike and that was meant for Sundays because I mean, its Nairobi, less traffic. Sometimes the problem with more money is that you think you are satisfied but unless all other aspects in life balance, someone will look for satisfaction in women, drugs or wrong crowds just to prove a point that they matter. Vee and this guy called Ken met and there was so much going on when they met. She had her girls and he had his crew I mean , they are always flocking together like sheep and I’m yet to see a disciplined one with and independent mind.

“Having a good time?” he asked . She turned and she was impressed with the guy holding a tumbler and smelled like Hugo boss or probably it was Hugo. He had spotted her for sometime and why not give it a try. Small talk then finally she joined him in his car and they talked for a couple of hours. She neglected her friends rather she forgot about them and joined Ken . One guy drove home with Vee’s friends and she took his slot and drove home with Ken. The following morning, Ken presented himself holding coffee from java and dressed in a black suit but no tie. What is a girl supposed to think or feel? she didn’t drive herself to work that Monday as he drove her and picked her from work but before going home, they had dinner. This went on and on for weeks and on Fridays she slept over at his house. The weekend was filled with plan dates and she knew that this is exactly what she wanted. Road trips, evening dates, lunch dates sometimes and from Friday, sleep over at kens until Saturday. In her head, this is her man because things are steady right? three months is enough time for a girl to believe that a man who has been consistently pursuing her is actually interested in her.

Three months later, calls went unanswered and if they were answered back, then with no emotion. Vee being in love would not see it as a sign. The weekends she slept over at kens became lesser and ken would always tell her he’s with the boys or he’s gone for a hair cut so she should be busy and go to the salon. Arrogance took over. Vee begun stopping over at kens office so that they have lunch together then she’ll head back to the office but she would be turned down with excuses like he’s got to finish up some work. I mean, didn’t he have this job earlier? His Instagram page was filled with him in parties and outings and every time she would call him, he just couldn’t pick her call. One particular Friday evening, she dressed up , sexily . A black little dress and all women, this is a must have. A black little sexy dress is somewhere in the closet. She dressed with an aim and it clung onto all her curves and all her edges ready to give her all then with a pair of heels which is allowed because she was driving. What doesn’t make sense is wearing heels and you are walking from railways to uptown, university way then one end of the heel looks unstable. Red lipstick as usual was on check and her eyes popped. She went up the room confidently because kens car was at the parking lot. She ringed the bell and the guy confidently answered it and welcomed her in. Well, he was pleased because he had wrapped her in his little finger but he was displeased because he knew there was an inferno at bay in 1……2…….3……and it erupts just when another lady in kens’ shirt came to the sitting room.

Ken was silent and Vee was shocked but the new girl felt like someone was in her territory. She questioned the lady instead of the guy and the guy was silent. The foolishness of women is fighting against each other. There was a fight as expected and ken stood taking his car keys and left leaving women fighting for him. Vee later left but crashed into pieces completely devastated. Ken was unbothered. The following morning, she drunk herself to sleep. He knocked at her door that morning with a bouquet of roses to apologize. A girl in love doesn’t just unlearn instantly until shes broken so many times to a point where she has no other choice other than to let go. As expected they made up and this cycle went on and on but this guy had so many women in the palm of his hands. She saw all this crap but she tolerated it until she dared to question. ken told her, he wasn’t looking for anything serious and he had never told her that they were a couple. This was true but ladies think just because you are taken for dates and you are bought for flowers and chocolates then automatically he’s your man but I think a man that wants you would profess and claim you. It ended with full closure that for a whole year, all that was happening was nothing but a fling. So many people go through circles of life but relationship is one thing that doesn’t require uncertainty. Speak up and know where you are going from the beginning. Vee is still healing because sometimes people give so much to the wrong people and detaching is a process and it is hard.

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This is my 65th piece since I ever started writing. I could mention a couple of people who have stuck around through this journey, and I am grateful. The pieces with the most views for sure that utterly amazed me, I’ll give a link of three. MR.SUBARU GUY.



The man decided to groom himself and become better after the restlessness of an empty room. A room that was once shared by him and his partner for 6 years was so empty that you could hear the echo from the background as he spoke. Over time, I have come to understand the struggles that men go through irrespective of them probably owning a German machine. So many people lose their own souls thinking that material gain will redeem them of their relevance and significance. The real test of a man is actually when he has money, power and fame. The real test of a woman is when her man has nothing. A marriage will surely be tested but how many people cling on to the vows? for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health?

He met her in church. Women who have been going to church and are saved will tell you proudly ‘I was attracted to him when I saw him speaking in tongues’. The men on the other hand will know that the woman is the wife material because she knows God and she’ll raise the children in the ways of the Lord plus she’ll be submissive because its written in the scriptures. Well, at least its better than meeting the lady in Sabina joy or whiskey river dressed skimpily and drunk waiting for the rescue of a friend to take her to a cab. She will definitely recollect her thoughts in the morning that is if she will wake up in her house . He was a big guy who is tall , light, wears jeans every single day and he is a chef by profession. She is a young lady , light, plump and very religious. They met in a church at Ngong road and she was an usher. That day Rogers couldn’t stop staring at this usher who at some point would praise God and even fall down because she was filled with the holy spirit. Rogers was looking for a wife and this lady, would be his wife in a couple of months. Some men have a fixed mind of finding a wife and everyone who crosses their path is a solution to the puzzle entirely making wrong decisions. I don’t get it how it is enough to figure someone out just by the mere attempt of them memorizing the chapters of the whole book. it sis a factor to be considered but surely it cant be the only thing you look for.

Rogers had found a wife after the service and well, she played hard to get by giving responses of ‘I’ll pray about it for Gods’ guidance.’ That’s a very good thing of course but a revelation was passed immediately she saw the car at the parking lot. Grace is her name. The second time she ushered people in she was particular where her answered prayer would sit and she saw a different car parked when the man came to church. Grace smiled, and ushered him just to the last line of the pew. She gave him her number this time before he even asked for it. Jehovah had answered her prayers and Grace would even call Rogers ‘brother’. The brother in question had just found what he was looking for. A couple of dates here and there while keeping everything holy until the wedding day. The master chef would invite her for dinner at her house and such romantic things would give her assurance that this was Boaz from the bible and she was definitely Ruth. 7 months into the relationship Rogers and his guys went for an introduction which in turn would be a ruracio and then the white wedding. This couple started a family and 4 years later they had two kids. 2020 was their 5th year in marriage and since the hospitality industry was hit hard by covid-19, the sole bread winner lost his job. Marriage was tested. Grace was used to a type of lifestyle that she didn’t know existed until later realizing that the man had loans . Grace had been a house wife from the time she was married and this role is not easy either .

From the time the country started its first lockdown to December, Rogers had sold his car and his wifes’ car and the man was in distress. Fights were increasing every single day due to expectations and lack of understanding. The fights were numerous prior to the financial stress but in 2020 they had just intensified. This couple was living in Loresho and it was a big house with a condominium. the condo wasn’t really an apartment rather lets just result to say that he was lucky to find an SQ which was beautiful in Loresho. Grace started having an affair with their landlord and the kids would be left in the care of the Rogers who was really struggling to make ends meet. Grace would sneak out during lunch hour and switch off her phone sometimes leaving the kids by themselves watching nickelodeon. The gardener just had to tell the man due to empathy and probably because they understood each others ancestral doctrines. The man has no job, he has sold his cars, he has loans, there are fights every single day and to top it all, the wife has an affair with the man he has to look at in the eyes for two months and tell him to be patient he will sort him soon.

One afternoon he decided to go home earlier than expected because I mean , a man just cant sit at home and look as if he isn’t trying. he went to his landlords house and a man in fury let himself in only to find Grace with his landlord cuddling. the owner was a white old man probably in his sixties. The most painful thing was the wife didn’t dare move or flinch to show remorse. that apology thing because you got caught. She laid there in the arms of an old man and they had been having this affair for quite sometime. Everything crumbled and it was painful because of the genesis of their meeting . He was a huge guy and he was dealing with his own self esteem issues and he started questioning himself if that could be the reason why Grace committed adultery. He was a guy in his mid thirties and he cried like a baby for the very first time in a long time. painful tears and he went to his house only to find two innocent children watching TV and once they saw him, it was all hugs and kisses from daddy. Grace didn’t come home that night and they had nothing to eat so they opted for Weetabix and that night he cried . There is nothing as painful as being faithful to an unfaithful partner who is unapologetic. In the morning after the kids had just had Weetabix again Grace showed up and she said hi to the kids and went to the room to actually pack her belongings. she was tired of the marriage and a lot of insults followed after that.

He sat there defeated and empty. He was in the dark. He was depressed and he was shattered. He was a wounded man. Grace left with her things and the room looked empty. She hadn’t left with the kids. 2 weeks later he found an eviction notice and he took his kids to his mother who lived in Buruburu estate. He had to start from scratch. A friend had his back and he took some of his stuff as he sold others. A defeated man had to move back home to his parents home. In 2021 January he filed for divorce and that was the beginning of his turning point as he got a job at the voyager hotel-Mombasa. One becomes better after kissing the floor. Zero is the best place to begin again because you really have no option because you know better meaning you choose better. The kids would still question why mummy isn’t around.

The grass is never greener on the other side. Rogers decided to groom himself by working out and dressing better . becoming the head of chef was actually a promotion in a way bigger could only get better. Grace still exists but we know nothing much other than she moved in with an old man and abandoned her husband and children. it gets better with time. I shall revisit this story soon.

True story…, share and the newsletter is meant to be followed. cheers to the 65th.

If this was a movie then our introductory song would be ‘breathe by Mako’. This is the month of love and it is what it is. Well, there are people with different opinions but maybe you haven’t experienced the kind of love that strikes a cord. There are three things in life that remain a mystery; death, life and love. The kind of love that makes the back of your hair stand. You don’t have to have a lover or a spouse to show love but you can always project it to your family members or friends. This month ladies got expectations and may your wishes be granted because the right one will prove that you matter. Remember, you don’t ask for too much, you are just asking the wrong one. Well, I had a great conversation with a gentleman who is in his early 40s. We are chilling at brew bistro the one along Ngong road and this gentleman who is a distant relative but more of my friend. He spots me coming in as per the agreed time and he stands waiting to give me a hug because it had been a minute.

Micah is his name and he pulls me a seat then moves to seat directly opposite me and he signals the waiter who’s name is Sam to serve me. It’s a hot afternoon and at this time the lounge isn’t really packed and the music is chilled, the summer house playlist and a little of the weekend playlist then it switches to EDM and I am enjoying every minute of it. Of course I order Mojito . This very well cultured man insists I order food and well, chicken curry and rice was served. This whole time we are having cliché conversations that are small talks and nowadays I’m into in-depth conversations so I switch it up. I deflect from stories like ‘how is baby number three and Victoria his wife to what’s new?’ He’s having wings and his glass has something brown in it but now he starts smiling while talking about his car which is parked down the lounge and its super cool. A black Discovery just makes me think he’s doing very well in life because I mean, you can’t simply buy it at half a million shillings. He talks about business and his new venture about exports and imports that seem so technical. In the middle of this conversation his wife calls to inform him that she’s done with the salon and she was asking if he could fetch her. The pet names they use makes me smile as if I’m eaves-dropping but well , it wasn’t private either. He refers to his wife as love bug and oh how he addresses his wife with so much affection even after 18 years of marriage with three kids is phenomenal. This is the kind of man that stepped into marriage with pure intentions to actually love wholeheartedly. This is a couple with deep chemistry. So he tells the wife to get a cab and come to brew bistro then they’ll go shopping afterwards.

Victoria comes to where we are with a glow on her face and I can see her baby bump. Baby number 4 is on the way and with arms wide open he hugs her for a couple of minutes and grabs a seat for her between both of us. Her nails have been done and she has been braided and her eyebrows have clearly been done. She is a beautiful lady but the glow is finite. she’s wearing this floral mini dress and open flats. Sam the waiter comes back and he orders for her a glass of cocktail juice. Victoria smiles at me and I’m in awe of the lady that she is. The support system that she has is soothing enough to make anyone believe that chivalry and affection does exist.

I’m sipping my mojito and all of a sudden the talk switches to ‘Twalha and her achievements.’ I knew that I wouldn’t dodge the bullet about me introducing my man to them. The bullet definitely hit me with a lot of counselling sessions and how time is flying. This is a couple that got into marriage when the lady was 26 years and the guy was 27 years old so now add plus 18 and do the math. Micah in his words ,”Twally let no one come in your life as a fence seater. Someone got to have a plan for you and make you feel appreciated and if that man doesn’t make you smile or glow don’t introduce him to us. It is like deciding going to Nakuru and you know the route that leads to Nakuru then someone takes a detour to Mombasa but since you are just following you go to a place that you didn’t want to go in the first place. have a plan and let him have a plan then decide which direction you’re headed without detours. There are so many jerks out here. A man that can’t even give you girlfriend allowance is trash.” I look shocked by this statement and he signals and Vicky with a smirk. “look at the guys she’s been dating.” Vicky interrupts and she’s quick to say that times have changed. shocked by his wife’s message, he interjects that “I was young and I would come through for you love bug. I’m not saying that you ask, but I’m saying its common sense that he knows he has a girlfriend and she needs to look good and happy. He needs to spoil you while dating and spoil you a lot more when he marries you. Twally by the way don’t introduce us to irresponsible men.” Victoria and I laugh because this was more of an order but to be honest, I was laughing because I just learned that there’s girlfriend allowance and I’m flashbacking to what the hell I’ve been doing.

Micah wants me to go for lunch at their home the following weekend with this imaginary man and I cower. Vctoria calls her house manger to confirm if the children have eaten and if there’s anything that they need. I could hear ‘crackles mummy from the background’. Micah is still on my case. He continues, ” it will be very bad that we are your mentors then you settle with a jerk. If he’s rude to you, run. If he hits you I swear Twally call Vicky here because shes a lawyer. Women love what they hear, so I hope he compliments you genuinely . Your job is not to teach a man how to love you but follow that gut feeling. unajua madem wanapenda tu kupendwa (women love to be loved). kwani what do I do to Vicky, she’s working, she’s a lawyer but my role as a man immediately I got her and we got married is to ensure that she never lacks. She’s fully catered for and now its not girlfriend allowance but wife allowance. I don’t even ask her for her cash but she’ll add things that are needed. Her car when it needs to go to the garage it will be taken and the insurance will be sorted. The point Twali is that achana na watu hawajijiui. watu wa mchezo na hawasemi wanataka nini.“(Let go of guys that dont know what they want. guys that aren’t serious in life.)

Its 4:02p.m and now the place was getting full. The ambience meant that you had to shout to be heard because the genre had changed to something hyped. Micah pays the bill and pulls the chair for his wife who was quite heavy and we left. I’m behind this couple, and he’s holding her waist as we go towards the parking lot. He is holding her with so much caution or maybe because she’s heavy. This man opens the car door for us then he moves to the drivers seat. I escort them to the junction mall where they did some house shopping and snacks for the kids. Victoria was craving sweet bananas, oh the things pregnant women crave for is hilarious. True to his word, this man paid the bill and they dropped me home .

Take home points.

  1. Chivalry does exist and it just depends whom you choose as your partner. These things are normal for some guys but exaggerated to some men. What lovers do is that they treat you like a queen and they don’t complain because its a norm.
  2. Silent treatment is for children. Go play with mud and dolls then grow up and get into a stable relationship. i mean who has time for nonsense.
  3. Your man should provide fully, protect and profess. Its not hard. Islamically if you are a woman and you decide to provide then that is considered as charity. The man is obliged to provide. It is very good that during premarital counselling its stated before nikkah. A woman 100% does not owe money to the household apparently this is a practice that only gentlemen will understand.
  4. If a man is mature enough to settle down, he won’t complicate issues. He’s sober enough to know that I need to cater for my family and my wife is my priority. You could have as well let her stay with her parents. There’s a reason Adam came on board before Eve. By the time Eve was in the picture, Adam had obligations like tilling the land, Genesis 31.
  5. Girlfriends allowance and wife allowance is actually a thing. A man just taught me this. Doesn’t he wants to see you look good and smell good ? if he’s shallow minded he’ll rant. Most times we blame ladies who go for rich men or older men but really, delve deep into situations to understand why.
  6. Lovers are friends. They chill, they laugh, they love. How Micah looks at Victoria will melt your heart.
  7. In this institution where everyone is divorcing and people are breaking up, there are people who enjoy every minute of it and I pray that you find that.
  8. If you can go to the salon and your lover picks you without complaining, you just hit the jackpot.

lets finish this blog by listening to “what lovers do by Maroon 5 and SZA.” May love find you. thank you for reading and share share and share.

The grass isn’t greener on the other side. It is greener sometimes and that’s why we thirst for change. I had a conversation with my grandma some two weeks ago and the fact of the matter is we are experiencing a quarter life crisis. Age between 21-35… it’s a struggle . My grandmas biggest concern apparently is when I am settling down in marriage. She is excited to really see a convoy drive in her compound for some reason which maybe I understand or maybe I’m downplaying her reality. I can’t explain to her that this is an era where men are complaining that Nairobi has no wife materials and women are complaining that all men are trash. Most men don’t want commitment and ladies feel they are so empowered that they don’t need men in their lives for as long as they are financially independent. This conversation was plateau because I wasn’t in the mood for an analysis of a good man and well…I was nodding my head as if she saw me but it was through the phone. She popped up a question ” bado hakuna mtu anakupeleka kunywa chai?”(haven’t you found someone to take you for coffee dates?”. If I answered in the affirmative then it would land me in more complicated questions and if I said No then she would hang up with utter disappointment. I was honestly fidgeting because there was someone who made my heart Duduke like simi sings. Let me tell you about this guy…

Most men wear navy blue suits and black suits but this one would blend in colors and luckily he never wore a suit minus socks. I have never been a fan of this Nigerian look but well, it depends with who stands out. I was in a meeting in regards to a merger of our companies. This man did a presentation and I was stunned by his diction. A man who reads a lot sounds like it. Chimano of Sauti sol has polished English because he reads a lot. Patrick Lumumba uses jargons but maybe we view them as jargons because we need an upgrade but he’s just fine. Most lawyers due to the nature of their jobs read a lot but oops! Not by choice they just ought to read a lot about statues so that they say “caveat emptor” . If you find a combination of a book smart and a street smart kind of man please hold on to that because there is potential for growth and this man was just that. Much as he was everything I liked, his suits were too tight. There were snacks after the meeting and we could have a tête-a-tête talk with the group and to my surprise, he walked towards me as I was serving tea.

Ladies have different types of smiles and I certainly put on the seductive one as I sashayed towards the table. A gentleman he was…he pulled my chair and offered me to sit. These kinds of chivalry make the back of my hair stand. He stared at me as if trying to figure out if my heart is bleeding, has bled or should bleed. This is a city where you should be open minded when it comes to the matters of the heart. One foot should be in while the other foot out . We talk and we lose track of time as we realized we had so much in common. He hails from the school opposite Wilson airport ( Sunshine school) or triple S. I on the hand is an alumnus from the only high school opposite the presidents’ home. I am modest but we all need something that boosts our confidence and this part of the conversation did me justice. He now says he was the deputy head boy and well… I write a lot because I was a captain of a room surrounded by books. We go on and on to a point of singing some Kwaito songs by Sun-el and he had the songs in his phone. At this point, I knew I hit the jackpot because Oh my! He prays and fasts too. My prayers had been answered and instantly my mind flashed to my grandmums compound until…..

He loves outdoors and this particular weekend we went to Ngong for some nyamchom (roasted beef) with some of his male guys making me the only girl. We blended well having very good interactions. I was falling for this guy faster than my heart was required to. He had worn very tight jeans which I hate because I would rather some fitting jeans. He had on a long white sleeved shirt and a black cap. His friends were cool…two guys but one of them was just too touchy. As we ate, this guy decided to feed my crush a piece of meat. I have honestly never seen such a thing before other than the movies of course. I was so confused but I let it slide. I let it slide for a minute because maybe there’s some story behind that act. It wasn’t merry anymore because this was a turn off completely. As we headed back to the city, he opens the car door for me which I appreciate because this is chivalry at play but then the guy called Tom whispers in my ears ” isn’t he cute?”. This was a switch from 100-0 in an instant.

It was a Friday evening and I was ignoring this man until he showed up at the office holding a bouquet of roses. The last time someone was this thoughtful was umm never! I was all happy feeling mushy then he told me to go out with him as we need to talk. He had worn a black tight official trouser with a black fitting shirt and a coat in his arm. The country had a 9 p.m curfew at the time . We headed to the parking lot and again, he opens the door. We drive to a restaurant in the suburbs and I must say I was impressed by the ambience . I’m nervous at this point because I feel he wants to make it official between us but I wasn’t so sure I would compromise on some of his characters. We have a couple of laughs and we talk about nothing and everything but I remember us talking more about this series called sistas and how Tyler Perry is dope. It then hit me that sistas is a chic flick series but much as we have so much in common these things were now a turn off. I had a bite of carrot cake until he leaned forward and he said , ” Tee I really like you and you are an amazing young woman. I want to settle down because I’m 29 turning 30.” Was this a proposal? I was sweating and at this point I didn’t want to tell him that a lot about him is making me uncomfortable. He continued to say , “you know we are Africans and there’s pressure from home. I have never said something that I should have said but you make me feel so easy. What if we just settle down but I have a thing for men.”

” what does it mean to have a thing for men?” I ask but I’m not sure I want to confirm his answer until he said ” maybe I’m into men. ” so I ask ” maybe?” . I walk into the washrooms and request for my uber. I feel saturated by this cycle . First…We like each other. Second…You get my attention. Third…We feel like this is it. Fourth… you arouse my emotions . Fifth) I’m left to figure out if he wants me or not. Sixth) I have to walk away without closure because sometimes you just have to be done and not look back. Finally…. I start listening to six degrees of separation. ON TO THE NEXT. How I wish I would switch generations with my grandma and maybe then, she would understand.

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I tend to believe that I am an ambivert. The cords strike different when I’m outside and very very different when I want my own space. Most times in my own space I reason, I am thoughtful, I miss people and I make silent moves. My thoughts are in a maze and in this particular day in my room, I think about someone but sometimes that’s all in it. You just miss because when you call people what’s in it for you? I get distracted by texts from two different men. Men who are completely different but who you are certain that one will love you and one will throw your emotions out of the window. I knew them both all too well and I got texts. The first one ” hey jaber… will you be free from 4p.m we have dinner?”. The other text read ” I’m in the house, please come over. I’ll pay for uber .” Most ladies should choose the one who properly asks them out but guess the ones they always pick.

I knew this guy from campus. He was a popular guy. I knew him because I ought to have known him…he was my leader. He knew me as a quiet, innocent and well cultured lady and I believe I am. This guy was tall… he calls me jaber and he knew how to dress appropriately. He was older and he graduated way earlier than I did. A couple of years later he traced me with a “hi” on my social media accounts, all of them. Before I even reply the texts…Mr.tall calls me and with no proper dialogue as he assumes I will meet him at his place and it’s just Netflix. I really like his voice and how authoritative he is. He makes me feel excited for some reason but I want to check out this new restaurant and so with  a lot of decorum plus a mixture of emotions I turn him down. I turn him down for all the wrong reasons. He doesn’t know how to soothe a baby so how can he talk me out of my decision? He hangs up but his ego won’t allow him to ask why I can’t go or if I am meeting someone else.

I agree to go on a date with the gentleman who has always been emotionally available. Sweet, short, bald and has very poor eating habits without working out. The one pack either comes with maturity and money or immaturity and boot licking plus influence from the boys club. He sends me a pin and I head to the shower with no tinge of excitement from within but sometimes we want to feel something different even when the heart wants what it wants. Loud music is playing ( Elaine-you’re the one). An upcoming South African artist and she’s deep. In the shower I feel jittery because part of me wants to call Mr.T but I am fully aware that much as we could have a good time it’s only temporary and I was tired with the emotional roller coaster . I vow that I am completely done with him then it only takes a call from him for me to draw a map with a toe on my carpet. Everything I would want to say is described by (Etanas song -weakness in me). He was my weakness, my muse and my worst distraction. One step closer to him means two steps back from him and one step towards me means three steps away from him. I’m not sure if it’s the chase that binds us or if it’s undeniable love but whatever it was, had to be toxic because it wasn’t pleasure nor passion but it was sour.

I am with Jared in this nice restaurant. The kind of restaurant where they play jazz though to be honest it’s not my best choice of music although I like saxophone cover songs that are familiar. This restaurant you use hot towel and is situated just next to sarit center. Jared is short but very loud…Kevin Hart character . The kind of man that laughs at his own joke so you have no choice but to laugh along. He is wearing all black. A black pull-neck, black khaki pants and black boots that are well polished. He is so excited seeing me walk and he’s all smiles so he pulls me a seat. The waiter directs us towards a room where it’s a self service buffet but first we are to start with soup. Well…now you know I was in a four star hotel. I was listened to him but part of my mind was with Mr.T.

Thing is in the spiritual realm we have soul ties. A human being is made up of three parts. The body, the soul and the spirit. The body is made up of the 5 senses. The soul is made up of the mind, the emotions and willingness. That is why you would find a couple looking alike after some time of being together. There have been soul ties in friendships and not in sexual relations only. In the sexual soul ties…you are bound by the body , the spirit and the soul and that is why you would find a couple in abusive relationship having a hard time to let go. It’s hard for love birds to see someone’s whole being even though you tell them that a particular person isn’t right for them, they wouldn’t believe you.

I have dinner and I laugh at jokes that aren’t funny. Jared then says that that he is very serious about me and he would wish I give him a chance. If I say yes, it would have been one sided and if I say No then it’s safe for both of us. I like it when someone keeps it real and not waste my time but I felt like I made poor choices at the time. He wants to drop me home after I respond that I will think about his proposal but what was there to think  about when I already knew the answer? Being the sweet man that he is, the kind of man who would baby sit your kids and you are sure they’ll be in perfect condition. He is the kind of man who loves to have fun and take life is easy while always making business deal calls. He’s okay…but someone else would find him drop dead gorgeous. He drops me home but after I see him depart… every part of me wanted to see Mr.T.

I order for an uber to Mr.T and I thought it might be a good surprise. I get to his house and he’s shocked to see me. With his height and sweat pants and unkempt hair he looks at me with eyes that are shocked but excited to see me as well. I get into his house and three other guys were watching football and to be honest I think it’s champions league or la liga or FA cup but certainly not World Cup. I take my seat but I have second thoughts of exactly what I was going to do there. I decide to get a glass of water from the kitchen only to find someone cooking and she was beautiful. She had an accent but from the lake side. Whatever she was cooking didn’t have an aroma ,almost as if she was boiling water. I was so shocked but consoled myself that she belongs to one of the guys who were actually familiar. So I call Mr.T and I question him who the lady is but I really didn’t have the right to. I wasn’t his girlfriend. He stares at me blankly and he says ” she has always wanted me and she just came to cook for me” . I felt my knees go weak and numb. Everything makes perfect sense on why this guy is sweet and sour. When a man treats you coldly, 1. He’s not into you. 2. Your not his type. 3. It might be 1 and 2. Question is why does he keep texting and calling…and answer is …soul tie and not necessarily sexual.

I order for my uber back home and I leave. Jared calls to tell me he’s home but that’s none of my business to be honest at this time. I play six degrees of separation. There’s a syndrome called “peter -pan” . An adult male or female just acts childish and is immature. People who can’t believe they need to step up and it’s always party after party and one women after another. A man that is basically financially stable but all other aspects of his life are shaky. The Peter Pan syndrome and that is exactly what Mr.T was “suffering” from. A month goes by and Mr.T calls and Jared still needs an answer but I decline his proposal. Broken as I was I needed healing and I needed deliverance. Couple of months later I see Jared posting his new wife and they had a lavish wedding. The lady was drop dead gorgeous by all measure and it hits me how I knocked my foot on a stone. It hits me that I want him back and he was the right one for me. sometimes love just  passes you by while you’re busy making plans or waiting for the one till you see them moving on and looking happier. I was sure that the lady had won a jackpot. I looked at appearance instead of looking at the heart. How someone treats me …talks to me …cares for me….ready to listen.

Mr.T on the other hand decides to settle down with the lady I found in his house . I lost both of them while I was busy making plans. No calls, no texts , no dates and my phone is dry. A wise woman told me, hold on to the one who makes you feel secure. Hold on firmly to the one whom you will call while you are crying and he will be there silently holding you. Most importantly may he be intentional about you and may he secure a place for you because life gets easier that way.

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In every woman’s closet there ought to be a black dress. It could be a buibui , a lingerie, a top and a dress. The size of course is for different occasions. Sultry and mini is very good for dates, evening dates. May is her name and her color signature was black. Black dresses would in a way magnify her luo curves and we all can agree that these women have a very big history but the future would be proportional to the waist. May is a Gemini and that’s why her name is May according to her birth month. She loves to have a good time and everyone loves her because she is the life of the party. May is loud, too loud that it’s embarrassing to introduce her to the elite. The kind of lady that you would love because of her energy and her sense of fashion but her frontal lobe (part of the brain responsible for reasoning and decision making) and the temporal lobe (part of the brain for memory) was a miss. Those lobes must have been inactive or at inertia state completely. May is beautiful, curvy, loud and was the life of the party as well.

Black dress and coat it with confidence

Allan was tall, a macker mixed with a lot of Casanova. I hated him because no skirt or wigs would miss him. What he couldn’t miss completely was too much make up. Allan meets May at jiweke tavern along ngoni road. It was a baby shower but with a twist because the ratio of men to women was 50:50. I’m used to seeing the baby daddy at the shower and for some reason they disappear from the whole scenario after some photo shoot or in some , the guy doesn’t even attend at all. May being loud and Allan being a macker, what a combination. The difference between Allan and May is that Allan was a sharp guy. He is a very intelligent lawyer who has made partner in a firm somewhere in Westlands . Allan lives in Kilimani but it’s strange he doesn’t own a Subaru and start conversations with “you my guy”.May in her very sexy micro mini black dress which was suited for after party , spotted her fellow Gor mahia fan. Allan is in this green T-shirt( Gor mahia ) and blue pair of rugged jeans with simple sandals that I saw at Bata. He isn’t a cheap man . I am quite sure they had a logo “hush puppies.” May was in knee length boots which were very high but not 6 inches. To be honest no guy wouldn’t turn to check her out and tap other fellows while side eyeing her. She knew what she wanted and she wanted money of course but with a package of a man she would proudly introduce to everyone….loudly!

This was in January just before we all knew the cabinet secretary of health would always be on our screens giving figures and on his right stands a Doctor called Amoth. Allan and May decided to hit it off and by the Valentines they were a couple. Instagram would probably nod and exclaim ” they’re posting…oh not again.” It’s valentines but May was in black. Maxi dress in coast…chiffon black maxi dress. Nowadays I don’t judge on the duration people have known each other because it depends with chemistry. Allan was smitten by May but for all the wrong reasons… and May was smitten with Allan and for all the wrong reasons but this is Nairobi. Nairobi is a city where someone is in a relationship yet someone else would sleepover in HER house and a girl would be okay being HIS side chick. Nairobi is also a city where choosing the right spouse is more hectic that it’s better to settle for someone who resembles Murkomen and lucky are you if he’s broke because if he has money no one cares….”vumilia sura, kula pesa .” In March , May had moved in with Allan to kilimani and then we heard our first case of covid-19. It was all cuddles and roses until one day all courts weren’t supposed to be open . Lawyers would have to work from home and Allan was locked in with the girl who only wore black . Not that she was unhygienic but she knew how to mix everything and we all know black doesn’t disappoint. This is the point that Allan realized beauty is vain and there’s more to a woman than ass and a loud mouth. May with her loud mouth couldn’t cook and for some reason Allan never found it discomforting until the loud lady talked back at him and he landed a slap on her face. May had moved in because she had cash expectations and she had to endure the blows and the slaps. Allan realized that in the house he needed someone to reason with especially about the state and Maragas woes like the woman who decided to cause chaos at the Supreme Court claiming he was a dead beat but that was non of Mays business. She wanted to attend Lady Maureen’s burial… Allan wanted to reason …a woman who was classy in the streets but at least she got a freak in the sheets. What would a freak in the pillows and handcuffs equip your children with? Allan was a party animal but the lock down was there to prove to him that there are things he had never dealt with and that is why he was brutal. Partying is just but escapism. Everyone has masks and his closet was so full . When a man prides his achievements too much and is a Casanova, trace that mans background or past. Society has normalized some type of stupid lifestyle yet it’s more than normalcy. May had to fix herself and question why she was always giving herself freely and this had to be traced in her childhood as it could be PTSD at play.

Covid-19 has been a pandemic that has exposed couples to who the other person really is and that is why issues are arising. Explain to me why there are so many gender based violence and why we have so many pedophiles.

At the end of the day, choose wisely. Some things fade in people but some things are crucial in a partner. Good brains and morals should never be compromised.

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No one ever made her feel intimidated before until she met August. Ava is bourgeoisie  and oh my she had killer looks. Her dad is Arab and her mum comes from the lake side here in Kenya -river-lake nilote to be precise. The combination that came with Ava was as per your imagination, foxy!. August well … was a saxophonist plus architect and I don’t mean August Alsina but he was charming. He might have wrapped girls in westlands, in the office under his middle finger but just not Ava because she had perfected her art of seduction. Expertise should be her third name . Let me just equate her to Bathsheba, someone tell me she didn’t take her bathe unknowingly and  that David wasn’t checking her out and the same woman had to teach her son about proverbs 31 woman. NOTHING IS MORE DANGEROUS THAT A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN WHO IS FOCUSED AND UNIMPRESSED. Story…story…let Twalha tell you a tale of an alpha female.

Ava is an architect. puffy hair, curvy at every right place , smile that should be featured in a Colgate advert instead of the rabbit, brains that got her a title architect and beautiful that is seductive and foxy. I kid you not she knew how to dress appropriately and inappropriately if need be especially during board presentations using words like “specification and charette”. She lives with her parents just near Gertrude children’s hospital…yes Muthaiga.  August was new in Kenya and how he spoke would make you say “pardon” like 10 times but he was here because of a project, you know this  is Africa and ‘Investment’ is their vocabulary and Ava’s firm needed this project. He was tall, that’s always a visual seduction , He played saxophone , He has brains and above all he had money. Money is very important or how the hell do you think Solomon managed to have all those wives and concubines? guys, money is important but  enough to spoil your woman not other women. He had eyes on Ava during a board presentation and the lady had worn a beige suit with 4 inch heels because she was tall and had the lake side features, promising you a few stretch marks where need be. The skirt was sultry but modest and her dialect depicted intellect. There’s a way someone speaks and you can judge them from where they studied. If you studied at brook house you’ll sound and look like it and if you studied at The state house girls, your dad will always introduce you to his guests wit confidence. She studied at Peponi school and studied in London then  she came back to Kenya.

August invited her for dinner immediately he spotted her  and she declined. Office romance is tricky but who doesn’t like the game of thrones.  So this particular time she was drawing and in the midst of her colleagues, he pulled her aside and asked her to watch him play jazz at some gig. All girls were green with envy but there’s always this one chic who’ll have it all  on the exterior though empty in the inside. She had no competitor at work and that’s just the way it is. The chic liked the guy but why chase a shadow and they were adults who knew what they both wanted but with the knowledge that love was out of the picture. they say, “chase a shadow it  will run. Turn your back and it will run after you.” Ava didn’t agree to it but appeared at the gig and he spotted her just on time but by the time he was done, she’d left. Things did escalate with time, and they started sneaking after working hours. A woman glows differently when she is loved correctly and it was inevitable. All of a sudden she enjoyed working and texting him and sneaking up during lunch.

August was the non commitment type and Ava was smart. You got to know if its games and guard your heart. This man could practice chivalry, like picking her up and dropping her home. So one day he didn’t come to the office and he never texted nor called Ava the whole time. She was fidgeting and during lunch hour, she decided to drive to his place and for some reason she was dressed in all black and she had this sashay walk and he found her sure as hell knowing she would chase him. prepared, he was and his house was neat and he lured her to stay over for lunch as his dangerous art of seduction was cooking. Do that to a woman and you’ll just say checkmate after that meal. She was swamped and that was the end of her going back to the office.


Either he will talk to you or avoid you. They would work together and have fun. August playing his games and Ava with all she had was swamped and got attached. During the architects association galla, she was ready to let the secret out of the bag and she introduced him as ” my man.” Grievous mistake when you aren’t sure what page or chapter you’re reading, he withdrew.  He was distant  and that night she was empty as he was mingling with everyone else but her. No texts, no calls. It broke her but that’s the price ladies pay when they think they’ll win the game but you can win if you change the game. A whole week all he said was hi and bye. No more ‘here is coffee baby’, ‘meet me at the parking lot after 20 mins baby’,  ‘lets hangout this Saturday at Jays bar baby…’ simply ‘hi Ava and bye Ava.’ she confronted him and he was surprised by it because they weren’t dating in the first place.


If someone shows you their back, kindly show them yours as well. She stopped chasing and whining and threw all her energy into work. She worked out more and took more water (for the glow). August had 8 more months in the country . She decided to focus on herself more and at the gym  she met Josh who was a boring accountant but cute. Josh had this 1 pack that is a turn on to some but just a turn off to many. Why would I work out and you’d pay no attention to yourself? Accountants aren’t fun… I guess because of Maths 24/7. It got serious till Ava discovered he was actually gay. One day while dancing, he was eyeing some other guy and she found them kissing at the parking lot of Sankara. Nothing kills joy like untold truth and expectations.

She came from the gym and she found him sitting at her entrance with his saxophone. with one look, ‘what are you doing here?’ she asked. “Ava I don’t wana play games no more with peoples emotions. I want you.” Apology accepted but I don’t like you no more and she meant it. Crushes do fade. Ever been tangled between wanting someone but pushing them away?

Just after her project deadline she would just wear like a careless diva in the office but no eye for the cute guy anymore. He tried chasing but she literally didn’t pay attention. 3 months to him leaving and he had sleepless nights over a girl he had pushed away and being under someone didn’t just make things better. Saxophone didn’t give him joy. He shouldn’t have played chess because  she said checkmate first.Rebel Quotes on Instagram: “You won't get us back. @rebelcircus #rebelcircus #funny #bitch #sarcasm #quote”

During one of the field excursions he had to drive with her and there was silence in the car and she played her game so well, it was chocking him…from the way she sat to the way she dismissed him . Just after their business at hand he drove off to the unknown and he never gave  a hoot about  her rantings and with no change of clothes and one hotel room they made up and he asked her out but whats the point yet he will leave anyway?

crushes fade they say but love finds its way. It was no longer  a secret that they were together but she needed a sign that he was his. That’s the way they both got an idea to start their own company and he had no choice but to stay and this time for better or worse. No more games on either party and no more chess . When he left to tell his family about this new woman in her life, that was when things got uncertain as the dad being Arab, gave her  a proposition of an arranged marriage. Dilemma between August and her dads offer. Being a daddy’s girl, tables turned. One of them had to get hurt. August, Ava because of her choices, The dad because of choice or the other guy who’s considered as perfect fit by the dad.


Here is the link to part one A KNOCK AT HIS DOOR . We pray about particular characters for our spouses. I guess one would ask God to give him/her someone who isn’t promiscuous, abusive, stingy, closed minded e.t.c. Forever is a very long time to spend it with a wrong person and this is a crucial decision because its a choice that determines the upbringing of your kids. Meaning, ignorance is not involving God before choice. We pray yet we get stuck on the people who aren’t meant for us forgetting that God removes people from your life either for your protection  or for a better person. If you hold on then God will ensure that he/she hurts you till you have no choice but to let go. God sees ahead so what if in your prayer list he can check all the boxes that are unwanted though the heart wants what it wants….but at the expense of who?

One man's "I'm not ready" is another man's "she's exactly who I've prayed for"

Vance pulled me close. I could feel his tears on my hands as our foreheads were attached. My hands were on his cheeks. I sobbed and finally he broke the silence. “you have no idea what I had to go through. It was torture babe and I’m sorry for my silence.” God gave me extra tear glands I suppose, so I was still dropping water mixed with salt from my conjunctiva and the background song wasn’t making things easy at all…”train wreck by James Arthur”. ” Did you see her? was she pretty? was it about culture? Do you still love me? ” I asked. I needed answers  but he acted as if everything was rhetoric. ” All I know is its against the world.” He responded. It was 6:40 a.m at the time and he had worn a blue t shirt and black sweat pants. He had to go and prepare but luckily I had him as my chauffeur that morning. Just when he got in the shower, I was numb in his living room which had blue sofas…curtains were blue. The idea was after we moved in together, blue in my living room had to vanish. That thought alone made me sob as if I was mourning. I was on his carpet, kneeling, hands on my face and sobbing. Instincts never lie and my gut feeling was that things were never going to be the same again . There was this translucent wall between us and it was as if I tried stretching for a ghost. it was more of saudade  (you love someone then you lose them as though they are distant. basically love that remains.). Everything good must also come to an end, even life results to death WABISABI (Japaneses aesthetics of life that everything is imperfect, impermanent and incomplete.)

He rushed to the living room because of my wailing and he whispered “babe I got you. You know how much I hate your tears please stop.” It was an act of a mother who just heard her baby cry and she had to drop everything and pick the baby. He rushed to the shower again and yes he was running late but honestly my job didn’t matter. He dressed up and we drove off. On normal occasion, he would hold my hand while driving and I was a very good co-driver for a while till I dozed off. I never go on road trips without falling asleep even if escarpments are a sight to behold. Well, this particular day he didn’t hold my hand but I let it slide. Silence was shouting in the car and I had to play 96.3 FM because radio Africa has never explained what happened to X f.m-soft rock songs (used to be 105.5). We had a stop over at java and everything was take away, basically coffee and carrot cake for me. He dropped me off at work accompanied by  a kiss on the cheek. ” May Allah make it easy for both of us. Its us against the world. We will talk after work.”

I was so unsettled that day and everything was surreal because I never even got the answers I wanted. Him telling me its us against the world was not an assurance but a justification. When you give someone the power to love you, you also give them the power to hurt you, they say but we were more like victims of circumstance. I called him in the afternoon and his phone was off.  No w this is the kind of emotional roller coaster that pisses me of. I already acted crazy in the morning and  he was going to make me act crazy the second time but I had to control myself. Two days later I get a text, “we need to talk.” These words are never pleasant from whoever is saying them more so your partner. We met up at our favorite dinner place and all I ordered was “strawberry banana frappe”  as I was not hungry and I was tired emotionally, mentally and psychologically meaning it affected me physically.

Ghanaians Have A Lot Of Feelings About This Simple Illustration By Poka Arts

“Lets talk.” he said. ” Did you see her?” yes. “Was she pretty? ” I don’t know but I turned everyone down and I fought for you. ” can we fix this?” Babe time will tell but I’m not letting you go. ” lets elope. lets leave it all.” I said. ” I have thought about it. I hope you have your passport and yellow fever cert ready.” “I do babe but to where?” I asked. He stared at me in my eyes as if he found my soul and tears were flowing from my eyes and it didn’t matter I was in a public place. He stared at me the way he always did and wiped them with his hands. ” will your folks allow me to marry you without approval from my family?” he asked. I nodded but I was unsure. My mum would be alright but I wasn’t sure of my old man. At this point though, I didn’t care. That was how I was crazy stupid and in love. ” Lets move to Tanzania for a while. You can tell Tush to cover for you and talk to your boss. ” There and then I called my close friend/colleague and I informed her of my move. Shocked she was, but she didn’t have a choice. Love will make you do some crazy things and  that’s when you’ll know that you are hooked.

” Go home and pack for a week or so. Meet me at the gate at exactly 6:00 p.m tomorrow. Make sure you have your documents and don’t tell anyone. We will tell them on arrival to Arusha,” He said. I did what had to be done and my mum was home an hour earlier from work only to bust me with my passport on one hand and my bag on another. I had to tell her what was happening and I think I raised her blood pressure. My mum was numb and she tried to stop me but this was me being a rebel. She went to the living room and she started praying for me. It was 5:58 p.m  and I was at our main gate but my knees were weak, I was shaking , I was cold yet I was sweating and my fear was getting caught by my dad. I was certain about my man and nothing was going to stop me…not even my goddam instinct. This man was the most punctual person ever and 6:00 p.m he wasn’t at the gate. 6:15 pm he still wasn’t at the gate. I hid my bags at the shade just in case my dad drove from work early. His phone was off. An hour later, two hours later and his phone was still off. You can be so important to someone today and you can be a stranger to them tomorrow because people change, feelings change and love is a commitment and not a feeling.

Quotes about moving on from heartbreak breakup thoughts 16+ Ideas #quotes

Like a prodigal daughter I went in the house and straight to my mums’ arms. She hugged me and I CRIED as if I had a fracture in my heart. 3 hours later his phone was still off. i locked myself in my room and my forehead on the floor as if bowing to God, I cried aloud. My mum came in my room and she said, let it all out. cry it all baby. This is the time I saw my mum shed tears too and she was hurt too. My sister was on the carpet with me crying . My mum sat on my bed and she looked at me and told me ” If he was yours, it would have come with confirmation. You prayed and  God unchecked your prayer list because He sees ahead. Close that chapter of your book and heal. He was not yours baby.”

The following morning, I get messages like “you attempted to call me but I was unavailable….”. I expected him to give me an explanation but I never got a call or a text . He was not remorseful. I was crushed. This was an arrow thrown in my heart literally. A month later… I see a photo of Vance looking quite old and I wasn’t  looking any better. My weight had dropped and my appearance was off. We both looked malnourished. The difference is, I was alone while looking at this pic sent by someone while he was healing but with someone by his side. I had no one to call babe but he was already calling someone else babe. I was an emotional wreck and that was the beginning of my turning point. His pain was what brought me closer to God than never before. Your heart will fix itself but your mind is what you need to fix. It took me time to heal, but I healed because of Gods grace. Was the other girl his wife?No. Do I still believe in love? Yes !because whats yours will never miss you. Whats not yours if you pray about it, God will remove it because you asked God for loyalty and God knew there would be deceit ahead and He answered you by removing that person. It took me a whole year to fully heal. Through it all I believe in WABISABI (Japaneses aesthetics of life that everything is imperfect, impermanent and incomplete.)

new love quotes for him

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I stood there, wounded…numbed and in love. I never knew I would be stupid in love but he was my muse, my unicorn and my kind of perfect. I had high expectations I guess but someone needs to clear out how you’ll invest time and soul without expectations. Is there a school to teach about expectations?  If this was a movie then the background song would probably be ” expectations by magic.” This particular day though, the only song I wanted him to sing would be ” kiss me by magic.” Forgive my obsession with magic but if that day was February 14th then I’d play “red dress by Magic.” I was freezing because I had to take an uber there by 5:30-6:00 a.m and there I was , not sure whether he would dismiss me even if he opened, not sure he would open and embrace me but did he open? Man is not God, where you will knock and He will open with open arms nor Is God like man where He will leave you guessing if you matter or not.

So many women are single especially the ones with kids but not because they want to but maybe because it’s easier living that way….I will use the word ‘expectation’. The thing is love, love and love again but to whom? I had found him. I was done kissing frogs. He treated me like priority and never an option. The kind of man who will not leave you guessing for a reply an hour later. The kind of man who would call me even before I did and the kind of man who would stop at my office exactly 5’o clock to pick me up without an idea of our destination. I loved him and he loved me too well at least that would be my idea of love. The kind of man who would book for a spa date just because working in a bank would drain the energy out of me. He got me, oh yes he did. When a boy tells you he loves you, he doesn’t say it with such actions, he means it with actions. His actions was arm chained to him hanging out with my VIPs in life. What if love is for the birds, what if love is a scam and what if love is meant to be felt for a while even 20 years waking to the same person and one day, it’s meant to end. Tragic is loving the wrong person but aren’t there red flags prior to settling?

He had this confidence that would shift the ambience to him. With the attention he got, he would show me off as his woman. His unicorn… his muse and a rare petal. Crème del crème was we prayed together. I was smitten. He was too good to be true. This guy was a problem solver…. tell him to find x and he’ll give you the answer immediately. He was not the kind to say “I don’t know how we will fix it.” He would say ” this is what we need to do.” Yes he uses the word “we” in every conversation like I did matter . Talk about him delivering lunch to the office and random road trips. What’s there not to love and what’s there not to fight for?

One day… I get a disturbing call . The calls that you wish never existed and the ones that change your life completely. I pick up and as I answered, the voice wasn’t so familiar but a lil foreign. It was a notice of warning that my supposed man is getting married , arranged marriage for that matter. I laughed it off and my man, called Vance was out of reach. Day one he called but sounded distressed and I could feel tension. I never asked about the situation because I’d prefer it coming from the horses mouth. Day 2… ” good morning sunshine ” turned to ” May God make it easy for both of us today. Good morning babe.” Day 3… our date had to be cancelled. Day 4 … I’m leaving town . Day 4- day 9 I never heard from Vance.

I couldn’t believe I was loosing my unicorn under my watch. After the weekend I was sure he had to resume to his duty even if he ghosted on me. I would smell heartbreak and ugly truth just as a vampire would smell blood from afar. I had my body trembling, my knees weak and my mind and soul, emptiness. I was empty but being the girl I am, I would rather fight than let go. Well, there are things to let go but this man wasn’t one of them. This was my man whom we had prepared to move in together and settle down. This was my man whom I house hunted with. This was my man who would make my cloud shift from nimbus to sunny. The silence was too loud and it was unlike him. My biggest fear was confronting this particular phone call because then it was all a lie.

I was too worried but because of the silence and its natural to be worried when your loved one goes deaf silent on you and the news weren’t making this easier . Reports of abducted people and accident deaths were too many. Even if he dies, he would be buried the very same day and I was worried. The most crazy thing was to show up but that day my job didn’t matter but my man did.

I knocked at his door. One knock, silence. Twice, silence. Thrice, exam room silence other than shuffling of booklets. At this point I’m looking at his car in the parking lot and I had to reread the number plate. It was Vance car. It was my mans car and my uber driver waved goodbye but It was the least of my concerns. I only bid him goodbye because of courtesy. I wasn’t raised to be rude even to a janitor. My knees are weak, my feet are cold but I am sweating. The fourth knock…. my tears were flowing without notice. He opened , he hugged me and we both cried. Painful tears… everything had just changed and ” six degrees of separation by script” would be the end of the movie song if this was at all a movie.


This is actually a title from a spoken word poetry by Edwin Bodney. The title is “when a boy tells you he loves you.” I subscribed to button poetry and this has to be the most accurate spoken word poem I have ever listened to. I will put my thoughts into words  and with all honesty, I think one needs to distinguish a man from a boy and a man from a gentleman. Let’s talk about my situation and words from a boy. “when a boy tells you he loves you, he means I am getting ready to be inconsistent with you.”  Why should I play chess then he plays checkers. Its like a rose growing from concrete. Before you say those words, be sure that you won’t waste my time and I sure as hell won’t waste yours.First of all…

When a boy tells you he loves you
It’ll be the first time you hear this
It is late and he isn’t even there to tell you this in person but instead from a car ride home from a bar in Chicago he is there on business
And of course you will smile
Because he sounds like he means it
Because you believe him
Because a boy has never handed those words to you like crushed black berries in the palms of his hands
Firm, young, full
Waiting to taste sweet with you, his arms, creeping vines begging to touch the sun, and your face saying; here
Take everything I have ever touched to be closer to you
His breath waiting to be folded into a love note passed in between the nape of your neck and his front teeth
He will remember the time you told him you felt safe in his mouth and he will never grow hungry…

I knew him through a friend during an event. He was those guys whom got attention from literally everyone in that event, well, floodlights rugby game. A guy who talked to so many people and its almost like he owned the whole of impala club. Truth is, he was cute but I am the type who can never give you any satisfaction to feel hot and sexy. Its almost like having a celebrity crush then one day you meet up with them but I would totally downplay them and show them disinterest. His name was Adrian and not that he told me his name but guys from the crowd would shout at him and just wave as if it was an accomplishment. I figured he was either in a band, a rugby player or a journalist. I asked my friend who the guy was and he said, he was his friend and a rugby player. He plays for harlequins rugby club. I know of only one friend who plays for Quins but a very chilled guy.

There’s something about chilled guys. The type that knows they can get any woman but choose to downplay their confidence. The type that don’t chase women but women will flaunt themselves on him and that’s my point, I really can’t give such a guy satisfaction that they can wrap me on their little finger if they want to. It’s not playing hard to get, but more of self respect. Adrian was loud and delinquent. Weird enough after all the scrutiny, he came and said hi to my friend then sat next to me pushing my friend to the side. In his words ” lemme sit next to an African princess.” Focused on the game, which I don’t know much about but pulls a bourgie crowd in, all Adrian  did was distract me. He had worn Nike shoes, blue jeans, black pull neck and red hood which was unzipped.

Fast forward, I got a call on a Wednesday evening and my friend, Jay had given Adrian my number. I was shocked considering I only gave him attitude the whole entire time. Right now with all honesty, the one thing that I loathe is for someone to waste my time. These are hard times and one ought to be vigilant with choices. A choice to spend forever with a wrong person will cost your kids so much. A choice to make wrong choices with a dumb guy will cost you regret. Adrian on the line, ” Hey Twallie, its Adrian.” I knew who Adrian was but my ego got into character. ” who is Adrian?” I responded . He begun explaining himself as if to sanctify himself from the vibe he gave me. He then asked me where I was and I was sure he wasn’t in C.B.D so I said Town. Alas!” I’m in town too.” How do you get off from that? So I insisted I was in a hurry but he was having none of it as he volunteered to drive me to wherever I was going.

An impromptu date happened. I actually smiled while walking towards the table. You would think I was smitten. He was just from work and the impala  club Adrian was the complete opposite of the Adrian I saw, well…till he spoke. Like a gentleman, he pulled a seat for me and that earned him a point of chivalry. His dress code earned him Two points and the choice of restaurant earned him 3 points because of the ambience. He starts with the nitty- gritty of knowing about my day and so far so good. One hour in that sitting and I am actually able to place someone accordingly. That is if you will forever be my friend, if I will tolerate you by never saving your number or if we will have a couple of more dates.

When a boy tells you he loves you
You will hear music
The voice of your past lovers dancing up your throat
Your stomach, in after hours cabaret, still waiting on the last call
That was when you learned that when a boy says “I love you” he means I am getting ready to be inconsistent with you now

I agree that some people fall in love very fast depending on how you click from the beginning. Love has no time lines. Adrian kept going on and on flossing and that just throws me off.  The title of this blog is when a boy talks of love and  by the way it’s not a reflection of age. Age has got nothing to do with maturity as you can have a conversation with a 50 year old and get nothing important from their lips and you can have a conversation with a 21 year old and gaze in awe of their depth with life. So Adrian talks about how he wants to settle with someone who looks like Beyonce, don’t care like Cardi- B and can sire him kids without baby fat.This is a 29 year old boy who has this kinds of thoughts. I honestly don’t reply but he goes on and on about how no guy can settle with one woman and its normal to cheat. He has never been in love before because he hates commitments. Its okay to not respond to some type of reasoning and you can just smile and question why someone is wasting your time. I mean if you can’t commit, what exactly do you want from me and its clearly not friendship.

This boy will tell you that he loves you
Not long after he had you waiting for 2 hours in front of a cocktail lounge
Patience is something you are working on
But no, not for him
When he asks you to tell him that you love him back, you will be in a car in the parking lot of a late night diner
You will watch the words fall into your lap like a spilled glass of white wine
You will remember the day your courier pigeon heart got lost in the wind because that was a message it did not know how or where to carry and one by one the boys have fallen as silently as the birds do

I have learnt over time that when a boy tells you he loves you, he will say those words in your most vulnerable situation. When a boy says he loves, he has seen the sculpture of your being and equates you to KFC chicken. When a boy tells you he loves you, observe his character more. Most times he will tell you he loves you and tells you to go for a sleepover so he can cook for you. Communication and time will be a de-factor to him.

So eloquently they used to speak until I asked the questions that broke them into ghosts
That bled me into a corpse with so many questions of my own for the soil but they’re tongues do not know simple
The things I should be hearing, the things that will make us living men in this time of insatiable yet dying lovers
When a boy tells you he loves you
Only to become silent like a folded sheet of tissue paper
Not wanting you to decrease him into the truth

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When a man says he loves you, he will actually pursue you and get you. When a man utters those words, you will feel secure from the beginning. When a man says he loves you, he will involve you in his future plans. He won’t be scared to flaunt you anywhere. Best believe he will come have a cup of tea with your mum.When a man means those words , you will be introduced to his first love of his life; mum. His character and actions will speak volumes and commitment won’t have to be an issue. When a man tells you he loves, look deep into his eyes and you’ll understand there’s a deeper meaning to eye contact than you could ever imagine. Quit being the girl who is always taken advantage of. Quit being a boy and be the sculpture of your beard, veins and muscles.

Do not crack your face into the fullest crescent moon of the tapered bottom of a blackened sky
He never meant a single word of any of it
He is just a boy, remember?
He is just another silly, sad boy, remember?

I placed Adrian accordingly but maybe I might reconsider because now he’s acting like a man but God gives second chances and I’m not God.

♡self loathing millennials♡

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