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A lot has been said about last year that right now I feel inert to revisit it but its important. For you to move forward you have to clear up the baggage of the past. This is my own reflection of who I am becoming and where I’m at at this point in my life. 2020 was tough for sure but it taught me that grace and mercy is required and God sees you. In that same year, there are people who bought land, homes, upgraded their cars, got married. Through it all, there has to be growth. Dark as it may seem, Gods grace and mercy is sufficient. It was dark and tough but you grew in ways you cant imagine. The rose that grew in concrete.

Spiritual perspective.

Power lies in the God that you believe in. Its a a matter of faith. Faith is tested when everything seems impossible and you have no idea what will happen next not when everything is cozy. Faith is the evidence of thins not seen. People lost jobs and so many people died in 2020 but since you have crossed over to this year, now that is grace and mercy. Otherwise, what would have stopped you from being swept over like a whirlwind when everything seemed to be like a Passover. Most people lacked basic needs but we never lacked because of Gods mercy. Absolutely nothing is by your power nor by your strength but sometimes you have to plead with God to do what only He can do. I think spiritual alignment is crucial especially if you want things to move. As at now, I am at a point in life where God is my first priority. Well, that was always the case only that now its in-depth rather more intentional. If you have to cry, cry on your knees. If you have to make a decision, consult God first. I think its high time to stop expecting things from humans because if you truly pray, then those humans will be destiny connectors or helpers.

If you have goals and dreams that seem too big in the human mind frame, plead with God because God cannot be limited. God is a God of abundance so dream big and ask for big things. It is only reasonable because He is almighty and thee we worship and thee we ask for help. Imagine asking the one who created almost 8 billion people and none of these people have the same fingerprints . You are asking the one who can ensure the fresh water and salty water not to mix – GULF OF ALASKA. All the seven wonders of the world are a mystery. Imagine crying on your knees to the one who knows your death date and He knew your gender just when you were a clot. He promises not to leave you nor forsake you and when You call upon Him, He answers. This much I saw when everything didn’t make sense especially during the tension of the lock down. This is not to say that those who lacked basic needs aren’t prayerful but I know there’s power in prayer. I hope to pass this down on to the next generation .

EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE .

Definitely top notch. I am very expressive and if something doesn’t give me peace, I give it up. I say NO when I mean NO. I don’t settle with anything no matter the conviction as long as my focus wasn’t there to begin with. Nothing to be honest can take away my peace. How I deal with people and situations now is very different from who I was a year ago . If someone doesn’t want to be a part of my life, I simply step aside and keep moving forward feeling nothing . I choose those who choose me. Age isn’t a factor to filter what to say because if wrong is wrong, then it needs to be said irrespective of someone’s age as all other factors are held constant. Peace of mind is very expensive you just cant supplement it with petty things and people.

DATING ARENA.

The person I was in campus and a couple of years are two completely different people. There are more serious factors to look for now in your partner with less compromise because forever is a long time to spend with the wrong person. No one is perfect but only you know what you can tolerate and what not to bearing in mind that people rarely change. Through it all, may you find your kind of perfect. I pray that he/she chooses you no matter what because at the end of the day we all want to be chosen. Don’t tell her you love her, show her.

Sunshine Posts

GOALS AND DREAMS.

Nothing is impossible with God so now write the goals down. Some wish to settle down and its all about purposeful searching right now. Some want a car. some want a baby . Some want land and envision constructing their home. Some want to start their own business or switch careers. Some want to have a fixed savings account with good money by the end of the year through a standing order. This is the first month of 12 and there are so many things to be achieved other than non sense and bullshit about people and drama. Purpose to grow in every aspect of your being. Mentally, I have purposed to go for long walks that is, when I’m free or read. Last year I only managed to read 8 books which was a flop but this year I think ill try 15. Emotionally, I choose to only choose those that choose me. Whatever needs forgiveness has to be forgiven without an apology because its an injustice to block my blessings holding on to expectations. Financially, all I can say is we want money and more money so the plan is to work hard. Spiritually, I am at good point and its growth over and over. No one can understand your relationship with God apart from you. Whatever it is we are all yearning for, God should not be limited because He is God of abundance so dream big and pray more. You just cant rely on the prayers of your mother or grand mother… do it.

ABOUT 2021.

Its all about growth and what needs to be in the trash should be burnt and not recycled. I hope to read more, travel more and make money. God , family and Twalha in that order. May you prosper and May you soar. When it rains, surely may it pour. Blessed 347 days.

Thank you so much for reading. follow , follow …follow. we got to scoop that award this year.

Have you ever seen an old man with a one pack in a club surrounded by young ladies enough to be his daughters and the man would be dancing aimlessly and smiling carelessly while nodding? The old man would be encouraging the young ladies to drink up and while the ladies would jump to a new tune of modern music of the Y generation factor, this man would forget his senses and nod in amusement pretending to also know the song when all he knows is rhumba, probably (madilu system and Franco). The man listens to Nviiri the storyteller or gengetone and he raises his bottle to “Kesi baadaye “. This is called the mid life crisis. Sugar mummies suddenly dress like their daughters in tights and crop tops and sugar daddies can shop for hush puppies loafers and dance to gengetones. What did these people surely do when their peers wore belly buttons and hipster style as they went for discos. It could be they missed a stage because some of them settled way earlier before they blossomed to who they really are or they were hustling so much because apparently most of our parents and grandparents had a very rough life. Now that they have the money and less time, they want to fit in this time machine and experience what they were supposed to have experienced 3 decades prior.

Quarter life crisis is experienced from 20s down to around 35 when you aren’t tagged a youth . This is the stage where everything is fast paced and it’s hard to find a bearing and anchor. This is the stage where the job you swore would just be a stepping stone for a couple of months is your job 3 years later. Instagram has photos full of weddings and babies, some even baby no.2 and you have none. In fact settling down isn’t even in your list. This is a stage where you want to move out from home but much as you may have succeeded to do so, that side hustle will not break even as soon as you wanted it to. Due to transition, friends will be scarce but that is just growth. There is no time for small talk. The circle will be smaller and if it’s big we can bet they don’t know what your pillow knows. This is a stage where every guy who has money would rather get a car loan and go for road trips. Those without source of income and cars would withdraw and cower measuring success with what they don’t have.

Tori is a business lady who owns a boutique in town,Nairobi. A happy person and she is a pace setter. She got married at 23 and due to violence she got a divorce by 26 years and this was the beginning of her growth. She sells clothes and business was booming. Tall, chocolate and chilled when need be. She had a daughter who was a year old by the time she got divorced. Tori would party daily and she would cry in her car more than usual while smoking a joint. This isn’t something her friends knew because we choose what people would see. More days nursing hangovers and hence more days of not opening her stall. Everything crumbled down when she closed her business and had to sell her car at 28. She had to move back home and the friends she had were too cold for comfort. Depression got in the way and Tori needed help. Life has a way of humbling someone to an extent of seeking none other but God. Her daughter had to be raised by Tori’s mother and her baby daddy had remarried. Child support cash had decreased then cut off completely and this is always the trend.

A couple of sessions and she was getting better . She came out stronger with lessons learnt. She learnt that it’s okay when everyone gives you advise to start your business but know that it takes approximately 6-7 years to break even. That is why most Indians are business moguls but its generational. Family business can’t be compared to a start up. It’s hard because most times you’ll use your own money to sustain the business. It’s okay if you get tired and it’s okay not to be okay. We are in different generations and how older people viewed marriage isn’t the same as 2020 with so much empowerment going on. Be happy if everyone else is settling but you’d rather stay single and marry right than rush and marry wrong because either way you’ll still settle down at some point. It isn’t a guarantee that marriage will work but May God be the apex in the triangle. Comparison is the detriment of disaster because you will crush. Dear reader, if life is just smooth sailing for you then question yourself because there must be equilibrium. A point where you view life from a different angle. A gold can’t be polished without friction nor man perfected without trials.

Money is good as it makes life comfortable but then have a spirit of gratitude to be grateful to have what money can’t buy e.g health. Friends come and go please learn that whoever want to leave, his /her purpose in your life is over. Master the art of letting go. Anything toxic let it go. Quarter life crisis is real and what you have , someone else doesn’t have and that’s okay. Much as you’re struggling to find your soulmate ,someone is struggling to conceive. Whatever comes, let it and whatever leaves let it. Blessings sometimes are in what leaves. If only you could see the trailer of what you’re choosing to hold onto, I’m sure you’d drop it without looking back. Don’t miss stages in life because mid life crisis is severe. Feeling lost, anxious ,scared is a feeling that most people have. You won’t be broke forever, you won’t be single forever but after its all said and done, choices have consequences. You choose the father of your child or their mother. It’s okay not to be okay. Surely, when blessings rain, may it pour.

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The grass isn’t greener on the other side. It is greener sometimes and that’s why we thirst for change. I had a conversation with my grandma some two weeks ago and the fact of the matter is we are experiencing a quarter life crisis. Age between 21-35… it’s a struggle . My grandmas biggest concern apparently is when I am settling down in marriage. She is excited to really see a convoy drive in her compound for some reason which maybe I understand or maybe I’m downplaying her reality. I can’t explain to her that this is an era where men are complaining that Nairobi has no wife materials and women are complaining that all men are trash. Most men don’t want commitment and ladies feel they are so empowered that they don’t need men in their lives for as long as they are financially independent. This conversation was plateau because I wasn’t in the mood for an analysis of a good man and well…I was nodding my head as if she saw me but it was through the phone. She popped up a question ” bado hakuna mtu anakupeleka kunywa chai?”(haven’t you found someone to take you for coffee dates?”. If I answered in the affirmative then it would land me in more complicated questions and if I said No then she would hang up with utter disappointment. I was honestly fidgeting because there was someone who made my heart Duduke like simi sings. Let me tell you about this guy…

Most men wear navy blue suits and black suits but this one would blend in colors and luckily he never wore a suit minus socks. I have never been a fan of this Nigerian look but well, it depends with who stands out. I was in a meeting in regards to a merger of our companies. This man did a presentation and I was stunned by his diction. A man who reads a lot sounds like it. Chimano of Sauti sol has polished English because he reads a lot. Patrick Lumumba uses jargons but maybe we view them as jargons because we need an upgrade but he’s just fine. Most lawyers due to the nature of their jobs read a lot but oops! Not by choice they just ought to read a lot about statues so that they say “caveat emptor” . If you find a combination of a book smart and a street smart kind of man please hold on to that because there is potential for growth and this man was just that. Much as he was everything I liked, his suits were too tight. There were snacks after the meeting and we could have a tête-a-tête talk with the group and to my surprise, he walked towards me as I was serving tea.

Ladies have different types of smiles and I certainly put on the seductive one as I sashayed towards the table. A gentleman he was…he pulled my chair and offered me to sit. These kinds of chivalry make the back of my hair stand. He stared at me as if trying to figure out if my heart is bleeding, has bled or should bleed. This is a city where you should be open minded when it comes to the matters of the heart. One foot should be in while the other foot out . We talk and we lose track of time as we realized we had so much in common. He hails from the school opposite Wilson airport ( Sunshine school) or triple S. I on the hand is an alumnus from the only high school opposite the presidents’ home. I am modest but we all need something that boosts our confidence and this part of the conversation did me justice. He now says he was the deputy head boy and well… I write a lot because I was a captain of a room surrounded by books. We go on and on to a point of singing some Kwaito songs by Sun-el and he had the songs in his phone. At this point, I knew I hit the jackpot because Oh my! He prays and fasts too. My prayers had been answered and instantly my mind flashed to my grandmums compound until…..

He loves outdoors and this particular weekend we went to Ngong for some nyamchom (roasted beef) with some of his male guys making me the only girl. We blended well having very good interactions. I was falling for this guy faster than my heart was required to. He had worn very tight jeans which I hate because I would rather some fitting jeans. He had on a long white sleeved shirt and a black cap. His friends were cool…two guys but one of them was just too touchy. As we ate, this guy decided to feed my crush a piece of meat. I have honestly never seen such a thing before other than the movies of course. I was so confused but I let it slide. I let it slide for a minute because maybe there’s some story behind that act. It wasn’t merry anymore because this was a turn off completely. As we headed back to the city, he opens the car door for me which I appreciate because this is chivalry at play but then the guy called Tom whispers in my ears ” isn’t he cute?”. This was a switch from 100-0 in an instant.

It was a Friday evening and I was ignoring this man until he showed up at the office holding a bouquet of roses. The last time someone was this thoughtful was umm never! I was all happy feeling mushy then he told me to go out with him as we need to talk. He had worn a black tight official trouser with a black fitting shirt and a coat in his arm. The country had a 9 p.m curfew at the time . We headed to the parking lot and again, he opens the door. We drive to a restaurant in the suburbs and I must say I was impressed by the ambience . I’m nervous at this point because I feel he wants to make it official between us but I wasn’t so sure I would compromise on some of his characters. We have a couple of laughs and we talk about nothing and everything but I remember us talking more about this series called sistas and how Tyler Perry is dope. It then hit me that sistas is a chic flick series but much as we have so much in common these things were now a turn off. I had a bite of carrot cake until he leaned forward and he said , ” Tee I really like you and you are an amazing young woman. I want to settle down because I’m 29 turning 30.” Was this a proposal? I was sweating and at this point I didn’t want to tell him that a lot about him is making me uncomfortable. He continued to say , “you know we are Africans and there’s pressure from home. I have never said something that I should have said but you make me feel so easy. What if we just settle down but I have a thing for men.”

” what does it mean to have a thing for men?” I ask but I’m not sure I want to confirm his answer until he said ” maybe I’m into men. ” so I ask ” maybe?” . I walk into the washrooms and request for my uber. I feel saturated by this cycle . First…We like each other. Second…You get my attention. Third…We feel like this is it. Fourth… you arouse my emotions . Fifth) I’m left to figure out if he wants me or not. Sixth) I have to walk away without closure because sometimes you just have to be done and not look back. Finally…. I start listening to six degrees of separation. ON TO THE NEXT. How I wish I would switch generations with my grandma and maybe then, she would understand.

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