“Honestly Twally I’m at the point where if someone asked me if I’m okay I would just smile because I never wanted to lie and if I was being honest then I would just cry instead. ” This is a statement made by a close friend and funny thing is I knew exactly what she meant. Having many close friends who are boys is cool but the girlfriends I have are prime movers and this one was one of them. Denise is a woman full of potential, impeccable character and lovely. She is charming, well educated, and could speak 5 languages. To be honest I am rarely intimidated but she does intimidate me. She isn’t so tall but as compared to who exactly? If I compare her to Mitchelle Obama of course she was short. Light skinned with long curly hair and not thick and not slim either. Let’s just say she is medium and curvy. We were meeting up not to talk about business as this is the term used to show seriousness. We had planned to catch up on lost days because it had been close to two years since we met as she was out of the country to pursue her master’s degree.

We are seated at Java while we waited for two guys ( it had to be men) to join us because it was a camaraderie kind of thing. Amos and Joel were always together and they are tech gurus. Those guys who dress up in jeans, tshirt , long -sleeved untucked shirt and rubbers. They always have a back pack for some reason and a hoodie is always in these bags as if it’s a slogan dress code for tech guys. DISCLAIMER ! Know how to dress and know what suits you because this tech look isn’t for all men. Thirty minutes later they show up and Amos being so hyped up as usual , he hugs us with this smiley face and grin that makes you warm. Joel was chilled, actually awefully chilled. The four of us decide to switch to Kilimanjaro just next to Java (kimathi street) because Denise wanted chicken biryani and well …we could all do Swahili cuisine. All these three seemed to be doing so well in life until everyone begun opening up about their experiences and some were really sad but the tone and how they put it was funny so we would laugh at situations that weren’t so laughable. I have become this lady that would listen more and for some reason I get attracted to deep stories. Denise lives in Lavington and she drives. Her red Lexus was parked just outside the new artcaffè and we could see it clearly from the balcony of Kilimanjaro restaurant . Denise is exposed and she “thrives” as we all thought because thriving is relevant to an individual. Joel is a chilled guy who laughs a lot but rarely talks about his life much. His life is a mystery although he is very trust worthy because you can tell him anything but maybe his walls don’t have ears. Amos is a parrot and an open book who doesn’t shy from talking about his life in details. Denise can talk depending on how comfortable she feels and this particular day she talked much.

Four young people in a world that seems cruel to them because they are striving to make it in a legit way. There are short cuts as we all discussed while having dessert. I had a cocktail juice when everyone else seemed to crave for passion . It could be passion in terms of ambition and emotion or it could be passion for the juice itself …it’s more of hyperbole. The short cut as Denise suggested was that a woman could get an older man in his sixties because all they want is companionship but no relationship isn’t about give or take so the girl would get her bills paid and I mean all including the full fuel tank. Nothing would stop a man from going to an older woman ( sugar mummy) and he would get away with anything he ever wanted but there is a price to pay. The price is you excite the older woman physically and emotionally and she would sort you financially and maybe you get an upgrade of calling your neighbor guy friend ” my guy your guy” at kilimani or milimani but let’s upgrade to Runda. It’s Possible to move to Runda because the ‘mama‘ wouldn’t feel comfortable driving to Githurai ( no pun intended). The four of us realized that we are brilliant academically but Amos was both book smart and street smart. Most people who are street smart are intimidated by book smart people but kindly may they learn to draw the line.

Our food was brought to the table and for some reason food unites people. Do you know how grumpy people become when they are hungry? Joel decides to even remove his glasses, perhaps so that he would see the bones clearly or it’s the excitement of Swahili cuisine. “Heeey so Joel what’s new with you?” Denise asks. His response ” misery!”. It’s clichè putting the blame on covid-19 but it is what is . He talks about how he just lost his job but since he’s into IT he does coding and networking here and there but he’s not paid rent for two months. He bites his chicken and munches while fidgeting. ” Twaly nipe pesa bana. I’ve seen your new website and chic you’re doing well. Whoever created your website wasn’t playing tomfoolery”. I nod with a smile because of this assumption. Denise is a modest rich kid who’s parents are always unavailable and to be honest she has practically been raised by a house help. She became rebellious and withdrawn and this is a character that now describes her perfectly. She’s a complete freak but isn’t everyone a freak in their own kind? Amos being quiet interjects and this time the food is almost half. Have you ever seen people who are eating but you rarely find them chewing because they are talking most of the time although if you look at their plate they are actually eating . Amos ends up saying that life is tough and everyone is allowed to express their thoughts and blaming the pandemic is valid.

“What’s up with you Denise?” Same response…. “misery. Got a masters from States and even my well connected dad is having difficulty helping me out. Dad is sick and mum well… she’s just her. These guys are on the verge of divorce or they just got comfortable never talking to each other like strangers. Nothing is going on in their marriage and I am lonely because all my relationships seem to fail. I want something real and not something where you have someone but they still feel lonely at your presence. I want someone to see me not physically but in my soul. I want something that you described on one of your blogs Twaly. I think it’s the midnight thoughts.” We all feel her pain because we all realize that no one wants to play around with our time. Joel raises a concern though that he’s looking for a wife material type of woman but it goes hand in hand with financial stability. Posing a question on Denise and I ” if a guy is broke like literally dead broke and you expect him to take you out and spoil you but you can see that this guy is struggling with life, would you still say yes to this type.” It’s easy to say love is all that matters but honestly marry when you know you can provide for your family. Marry when you know you can afford a meal a day if not three. At the end of the day you are a man and your role is to provide and you’ll only feel secure when you know that there’s a warm plate in the evening after a long day of hustle. Look at it however you want but even biblically and Islamically (shariah law) that’s the rule. Nothing is guaranteed because even your own spirit isn’t sure about what tomorrow holds. You could provide today but maybe tomorrow it’s a whole different turn of events.

In our discussion and by this time our table was clear but no one seemed to be in a hurry, I got to realize that this is an age where we are struggling but in different forms. Denise seemed to be struggling emotionally and she was wounded in her own accord. Family issues affect people so much unnoticeably. Amos and Joel were young men who were struggling but on face value their light wouldn’t dim. Sometimes the people who smile the most are the people who’s stories are told by their soaked pillows. The heart cries but to some the eyes shed in the showers or in a dark room . People will show you what the world wants to see because more often than not very few people care. I have my struggles too and the growing pains are intense. I yearn for success but sometimes it feels like one step closer to it is another ten steps back. It’s not easy of course but as compared to who’s life exactly? Let’s face it that everyone has a manual to your life but no draft to theirs. We decide to drive away and that’s when Joel speaks up that he just went through a hard break up and he needs some time off from everything and everyone. Amos discloses that he actually has a sugar mummy and that we shouldn’t judge him. He believes he’s in love with a 57 year old woman who has 4 kids but the husband is filthy wealthy although emotionally unavailable. I pause and say that there’s no time a man will be unavailable and expect the woman not to get recognition from somewhere else. A man who wouldn’t see his woman or kids like priority but is busy chasing paper would end up losing the family unit because this life must have balance. A guy doesn’t even recognize his woman’s dress code should know that someone will tap this woman in the office and tables will turn where she’ll be neat for the man who recognizes her. Amos and this lady if I’m not judging are just victims of circumstance because what happens when you are lonely you being human? Amos though is a man who needs bills paid in a country where graduates are hawking and getting into trivial deals. The age between 25-35 is crucial with so many hard knocks but in your 20s make mistakes with no regrets. It’s a confusing age and maybe I need not look at Amos with a rear view eye.

Denise decides to be our designated driver but first we stopped somewhere to buy stuff and the group became more merry. We all give our takes on various issues and it felt nice knowing that things always sort themselves out. God will never leave you nor forsake you. God didn’t bring you this far to leave you now and God will never disappoint you. Just like the sunrise and the sunset God is always on time. Covid 19 is a pandemic that has strived up reactions globally and we all realized that health is crucial. In my blog What if… I posed a question that what if we are busy chasing success but we end up so depressed and you realize that health and peace of mind can never be substituted for anything in this world? In the car we had to play good music and we decided to let things be the way they would be. Qui Serra Serra (what will be, will be) . It’s easier said than done and that’s why these are just growing pains. Everything falls into place in due time and it’s okay not to be okay but nothing is worth it at the expense of your health.

This is a group of 4 young adults who were experiencing so much. I realized that someone might be okay financially but damaged emotionally. Someone else might be so happy but has so many troubles in life like not even paying bills . Someone else might be so chilled and closed up but making big mistakes in this life. Someone else might be okay due to assumptions but struggling in every aspect (financially, emotionally, spiritually and physically) . Denise sorted Amos with the 2 month rent arrears. Miracles happen when you least expect them to in the daily interactions you make. Everything happens for a reason but brace changes and seasons. When a baby is born , the environment isn’t all rosy but messy. When the baby starts to walk he/ she falls a couple of times but we celebrate it however many times it falls. When a baby grows teeth it’s not easy and so many challenges are faced in the process. The point is, when there’s growth there is the aspect of hardship. God promises that when there is hardship comes ease.

Thank you for reading . Make mistakes and fall as many times as you can… it’s okay. Only the people that matter will help you rise other than that, nothing is worth losing your peace of mind for.p Anything that takes away your peace of mind is too expensive.

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  1. Sylvia Ijai Reply

    Life is a roller coaster. And there’s always a destiny helper. We fall down and we wake up dust our mess and start moving on.

  2. Linus Atuya Reply

    A perfect piece at very perfect moment, brings hope, there will be light at the end of it all

  3. Pingback: CHANGE. – TWALHA

  4. Alice Mbesa Reply

    Nice read, everyone needs a word of encouragement every now and then and this did it for me.

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