Have you ever seen an old man with a one pack in a club surrounded by young ladies enough to be his daughters and the man would be dancing aimlessly and smiling carelessly while nodding? The old man would be encouraging the young ladies to drink up and while the ladies would jump to a new tune of modern music of the Y generation factor, this man would forget his senses and nod in amusement pretending to also know the song when all he knows is rhumba, probably (madilu system and Franco). The man listens to Nviiri the storyteller or gengetone and he raises his bottle to “Kesi baadaye “. This is called the mid life crisis. Sugar mummies suddenly dress like their daughters in tights and crop tops and sugar daddies can shop for hush puppies loafers and dance to gengetones. What did these people surely do when their peers wore belly buttons and hipster style as they went for discos. It could be they missed a stage because some of them settled way earlier before they blossomed to who they really are or they were hustling so much because apparently most of our parents and grandparents had a very rough life. Now that they have the money and less time, they want to fit in this time machine and experience what they were supposed to have experienced 3 decades prior.
Quarter life crisis is experienced from 20s down to around 35 when you aren’t tagged a youth . This is the stage where everything is fast paced and it’s hard to find a bearing and anchor. This is the stage where the job you swore would just be a stepping stone for a couple of months is your job 3 years later. Instagram has photos full of weddings and babies, some even baby no.2 and you have none. In fact settling down isn’t even in your list. This is a stage where you want to move out from home but much as you may have succeeded to do so, that side hustle will not break even as soon as you wanted it to. Due to transition, friends will be scarce but that is just growth. There is no time for small talk. The circle will be smaller and if it’s big we can bet they don’t know what your pillow knows. This is a stage where every guy who has money would rather get a car loan and go for road trips. Those without source of income and cars would withdraw and cower measuring success with what they don’t have.
Tori is a business lady who owns a boutique in town,Nairobi. A happy person and she is a pace setter. She got married at 23 and due to violence she got a divorce by 26 years and this was the beginning of her growth. She sells clothes and business was booming. Tall, chocolate and chilled when need be. She had a daughter who was a year old by the time she got divorced. Tori would party daily and she would cry in her car more than usual while smoking a joint. This isn’t something her friends knew because we choose what people would see. More days nursing hangovers and hence more days of not opening her stall. Everything crumbled down when she closed her business and had to sell her car at 28. She had to move back home and the friends she had were too cold for comfort. Depression got in the way and Tori needed help. Life has a way of humbling someone to an extent of seeking none other but God. Her daughter had to be raised by Tori’s mother and her baby daddy had remarried. Child support cash had decreased then cut off completely and this is always the trend.
A couple of sessions and she was getting better . She came out stronger with lessons learnt. She learnt that it’s okay when everyone gives you advise to start your business but know that it takes approximately 6-7 years to break even. That is why most Indians are business moguls but its generational. Family business can’t be compared to a start up. It’s hard because most times you’ll use your own money to sustain the business. It’s okay if you get tired and it’s okay not to be okay. We are in different generations and how older people viewed marriage isn’t the same as 2020 with so much empowerment going on. Be happy if everyone else is settling but you’d rather stay single and marry right than rush and marry wrong because either way you’ll still settle down at some point. It isn’t a guarantee that marriage will work but May God be the apex in the triangle. Comparison is the detriment of disaster because you will crush. Dear reader, if life is just smooth sailing for you then question yourself because there must be equilibrium. A point where you view life from a different angle. A gold can’t be polished without friction nor man perfected without trials.
Money is good as it makes life comfortable but then have a spirit of gratitude to be grateful to have what money can’t buy e.g health. Friends come and go please learn that whoever want to leave, his /her purpose in your life is over. Master the art of letting go. Anything toxic let it go. Quarter life crisis is real and what you have , someone else doesn’t have and that’s okay. Much as you’re struggling to find your soulmate ,someone is struggling to conceive. Whatever comes, let it and whatever leaves let it. Blessings sometimes are in what leaves. If only you could see the trailer of what you’re choosing to hold onto, I’m sure you’d drop it without looking back. Don’t miss stages in life because mid life crisis is severe. Feeling lost, anxious ,scared is a feeling that most people have. You won’t be broke forever, you won’t be single forever but after its all said and done, choices have consequences. You choose the father of your child or their mother. It’s okay not to be okay. Surely, when blessings rain, may it pour.
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