I tend to believe that I am an ambivert. The cords strike different when I’m outside and very very different when I want my own space. Most times in my own space I reason, I am thoughtful, I miss people and I make silent moves. My thoughts are in a maze and in this particular day in my room, I think about someone but sometimes that’s all in it. You just miss because when you call people what’s in it for you? I get distracted by texts from two different men. Men who are completely different but who you are certain that one will love you and one will throw your emotions out of the window. I knew them both all too well and I got texts. The first one ” hey jaber… will you be free from 4p.m we have dinner?”. The other text read ” I’m in the house, please come over. I’ll pay for uber .” Most ladies should choose the one who properly asks them out but guess the ones they always pick.
I knew this guy from campus. He was a popular guy. I knew him because I ought to have known him…he was my leader. He knew me as a quiet, innocent and well cultured lady and I believe I am. This guy was tall… he calls me jaber and he knew how to dress appropriately. He was older and he graduated way earlier than I did. A couple of years later he traced me with a “hi” on my social media accounts, all of them. Before I even reply the texts…Mr.tall calls me and with no proper dialogue as he assumes I will meet him at his place and it’s just Netflix. I really like his voice and how authoritative he is. He makes me feel excited for some reason but I want to check out this new restaurant and so with a lot of decorum plus a mixture of emotions I turn him down. I turn him down for all the wrong reasons. He doesn’t know how to soothe a baby so how can he talk me out of my decision? He hangs up but his ego won’t allow him to ask why I can’t go or if I am meeting someone else.
I agree to go on a date with the gentleman who has always been emotionally available. Sweet, short, bald and has very poor eating habits without working out. The one pack either comes with maturity and money or immaturity and boot licking plus influence from the boys club. He sends me a pin and I head to the shower with no tinge of excitement from within but sometimes we want to feel something different even when the heart wants what it wants. Loud music is playing ( Elaine-you’re the one). An upcoming South African artist and she’s deep. In the shower I feel jittery because part of me wants to call Mr.T but I am fully aware that much as we could have a good time it’s only temporary and I was tired with the emotional roller coaster . I vow that I am completely done with him then it only takes a call from him for me to draw a map with a toe on my carpet. Everything I would want to say is described by (Etanas song -weakness in me). He was my weakness, my muse and my worst distraction. One step closer to him means two steps back from him and one step towards me means three steps away from him. I’m not sure if it’s the chase that binds us or if it’s undeniable love but whatever it was, had to be toxic because it wasn’t pleasure nor passion but it was sour.
I am with Jared in this nice restaurant. The kind of restaurant where they play jazz though to be honest it’s not my best choice of music although I like saxophone cover songs that are familiar. This restaurant you use hot towel and is situated just next to sarit center. Jared is short but very loud…Kevin Hart character . The kind of man that laughs at his own joke so you have no choice but to laugh along. He is wearing all black. A black pull-neck, black khaki pants and black boots that are well polished. He is so excited seeing me walk and he’s all smiles so he pulls me a seat. The waiter directs us towards a room where it’s a self service buffet but first we are to start with soup. Well…now you know I was in a four star hotel. I was listened to him but part of my mind was with Mr.T.
Thing is in the spiritual realm we have soul ties. A human being is made up of three parts. The body, the soul and the spirit. The body is made up of the 5 senses. The soul is made up of the mind, the emotions and willingness. That is why you would find a couple looking alike after some time of being together. There have been soul ties in friendships and not in sexual relations only. In the sexual soul ties…you are bound by the body , the spirit and the soul and that is why you would find a couple in abusive relationship having a hard time to let go. It’s hard for love birds to see someone’s whole being even though you tell them that a particular person isn’t right for them, they wouldn’t believe you.
I have dinner and I laugh at jokes that aren’t funny. Jared then says that that he is very serious about me and he would wish I give him a chance. If I say yes, it would have been one sided and if I say No then it’s safe for both of us. I like it when someone keeps it real and not waste my time but I felt like I made poor choices at the time. He wants to drop me home after I respond that I will think about his proposal but what was there to think about when I already knew the answer? Being the sweet man that he is, the kind of man who would baby sit your kids and you are sure they’ll be in perfect condition. He is the kind of man who loves to have fun and take life is easy while always making business deal calls. He’s okay…but someone else would find him drop dead gorgeous. He drops me home but after I see him depart… every part of me wanted to see Mr.T.
I order for an uber to Mr.T and I thought it might be a good surprise. I get to his house and he’s shocked to see me. With his height and sweat pants and unkempt hair he looks at me with eyes that are shocked but excited to see me as well. I get into his house and three other guys were watching football and to be honest I think it’s champions league or la liga or FA cup but certainly not World Cup. I take my seat but I have second thoughts of exactly what I was going to do there. I decide to get a glass of water from the kitchen only to find someone cooking and she was beautiful. She had an accent but from the lake side. Whatever she was cooking didn’t have an aroma ,almost as if she was boiling water. I was so shocked but consoled myself that she belongs to one of the guys who were actually familiar. So I call Mr.T and I question him who the lady is but I really didn’t have the right to. I wasn’t his girlfriend. He stares at me blankly and he says ” she has always wanted me and she just came to cook for me” . I felt my knees go weak and numb. Everything makes perfect sense on why this guy is sweet and sour. When a man treats you coldly, 1. He’s not into you. 2. Your not his type. 3. It might be 1 and 2. Question is why does he keep texting and calling…and answer is …soul tie and not necessarily sexual.
I order for my uber back home and I leave. Jared calls to tell me he’s home but that’s none of my business to be honest at this time. I play six degrees of separation. There’s a syndrome called “peter -pan” . An adult male or female just acts childish and is immature. People who can’t believe they need to step up and it’s always party after party and one women after another. A man that is basically financially stable but all other aspects of his life are shaky. The Peter Pan syndrome and that is exactly what Mr.T was “suffering” from. A month goes by and Mr.T calls and Jared still needs an answer but I decline his proposal. Broken as I was I needed healing and I needed deliverance. Couple of months later I see Jared posting his new wife and they had a lavish wedding. The lady was drop dead gorgeous by all measure and it hits me how I knocked my foot on a stone. It hits me that I want him back and he was the right one for me. sometimes love just passes you by while you’re busy making plans or waiting for the one till you see them moving on and looking happier. I was sure that the lady had won a jackpot. I looked at appearance instead of looking at the heart. How someone treats me …talks to me …cares for me….ready to listen.
Mr.T on the other hand decides to settle down with the lady I found in his house . I lost both of them while I was busy making plans. No calls, no texts , no dates and my phone is dry. A wise woman told me, hold on to the one who makes you feel secure. Hold on firmly to the one whom you will call while you are crying and he will be there silently holding you. Most importantly may he be intentional about you and may he secure a place for you because life gets easier that way.
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