AS LONG AS YOU DON’T HAVE A MARRIAGE CERTIFICATE ,YOU ARE SINGLE TILL FURTHER NOTICE. “You have to kiss a lot of toads before you kiss your prince,”they say. The average woman will kiss 15 frogs before kissing her ideal prince and must fall in love twice with people whom will eventually heart-break her and the third love, that’s it because all the in between are very crucial lessons.I am a sucker for good intellectual conversations . The kind of conversations that make you smitten even before you sleep and when you wake up,you both jog minds and speak about everything and nothing and silence is peaceful and comfortable , the one that creates in-depth inertia. let’s talk about these guys. Being a girl is tough.
Mike: High school sweetheart who wrote you mails and made you feel like a queen. His mails created a spark and every girl in class wanted him because of his choice of words but probably he paid someone to write the letters. After high school, you part ways because things change and people grow.
Tom: The campus sweetheart who made you realize that you actually hadn’t loved Mike as you thought and it was puppy love all along. Truth is, Tom is a very important factor because he is the introduction to heartbreak and glossiness and he will drive you crazy. some girls stop their search from here like most parents while for others, the search continues.
JOE: The party animal who is too cute for life. Always wears awesome cologne and he never disappoints with smart casual from the shirt, jeans and shoes. Most ladies flock around him and each girl wants to change him which is almost as impossible as stopping corruption in Kenya but its wishful thinking. catch this guy dead in a commitment.
DAVE: The broke guy who will always tell a lady to lend him cash while he sorts out a ‘deal’ that will never mature. Being a good girlfriend that wants to upgrade to wife material, you lend him but woe unto you because he will never refund the cash. You grow anyway and you learn that guys rarely wait for a lady to pay bills and borrow them cash if they have their “Bros” at bay.
MARTIN: more of misogynous. This guy objectifies women. He will rate a girl based on her history(ASS) and future(BOOBS) yet he himself doesn’t look like he ever stepped in a gym. Has a 1pack and looks pathetic but he will be the first to judge whether she’s not curvy enough or thick enough. Talk the talk don’t walk the walk. If you want Beyonce, please look like Trey songs.
Peter: Always has money and will cosset a lady but he will never define the relationship ,so you hold on a little longer hoping and waiting but sadly, you are just but another silly little naive girl to him. He is a philanderer who is too sharp that when he’s caught, he books you for a spa and sends you flowers to the office. At the end of the day, a girl is till a girl until one day, you wake up and realize your worth.
Abdul. The beard gang Muslim guy who’s masculine, puts a lot of detail on his appearance that hes unobtrusive. he walks passed you and you whisper to your girl ‘that guy is fire’. Lets just say hes a replica of Jidenna. Bad boys ain’t no good and good boys ain’t no fun. if at all he talks to you, his gaze will make you stumble and they know the charm. he will tell you exactly what you want to hear but there’s Maimuna, Amina, Aisha and lulu in the picture.
Jamal: Patronizing, conceited and vain . you are tired and you have a coffee date with Jamal. you will listen and nod your head more because he will talk more than our Kenyan trap king and throughout it will be about his “wealth and achievement”. people who got it,rarely talk about it simple. Go home,shower and chill.
Jack: best friends that every lady has. always an emotional fluffer. you want a hug,call him, wanna talk,call him. you need a favor,call him. does he like you? yes. do you like him? maybe yes but………………………….
Elba: like coffee, steaming hot with tiramisu complexion. Gym is part of him but mama will warn you not to get close enough but sadly you want him as your trophy guy so that all your friends turn green with envy whenever you tag babe on i.g. These guys aren’t keepers and you know it but they boost your esteem because you can’t believe you attracted Idris Elba. sadly, he knows he can get Ann,Jane and Tasha anytime, will he treat you like priority?
Vick: The “Bros over hoes kinda guy.” Always chilling playing p.s and minding his business. He will never notice you but after moving on, he runs to you begging for attention. He is a fence sitter . Today he wants you,tomorrow he doesn’t. Today he’ll call you,tomorrow he won’t. Today he’ll promise you heaven, tomorrow he’ll give you hell. ITS A MERRY GO ROUND AND IF YOU PLAY CHESS HE WANTS CARDS. you will both get dizzy. snap out.
Sponsor: I don’t know where this man with a belly like a pot was, when his guys were out heartbreaking ladies. Mid-life crisis comes in they are all over luring themselves to young desperate ladies. He tries making some shitty dance moves while smiling at you as a way to get your attention. i just wish those moves he would have utilized them in his youth days . Truth is, he will never replace you with his wife and there’s absolutely nothing like free lunch in this life.
Mr intimidated: always insecure about everything his woman does. Your success will make him crazy and they are narcissists. The type of men who abuse their ladies either physically, verbally or emotionally. You will only feel intimidated or insecure if I am more of a competitor than companion. where were you when i was growing and developing myself? you should have developed yourself too.
Brian: very quiet, chilled and too smart but academic smart. When it comes to dating, he’s a dating dwarf. Dating is supposed to be fun and let things flow so if it’s too much work, get out. Brian though is everything you want but communication is weird, boring and all you do is blue tick him,not because you want to,but because its easier than riding a kart instead of a Ferrari.
Jeff: Every Saturday afternoon he will call “where are you? I need to cook for you and we can do Netflix” . Jeff will never have anything substantial to offer other than ‘Netflix and chill” after chilling, you will pay for your uber and he will cut communication till after a month when the ladies in his contacts have plans so he remembers your existence. love yourself enough . If he wants thighs and breasts, KFC does deliveries unless you want to .
Kevin: has so many esteem issues from the moon and back. yoh! a woman’s job is not to baby sit you all the time and to massage your ego. whether you’re short,tall,fat,skinny be you and be alright with it. be with someone who loves you for who you are and not with someone who will always compare you. be you.
WEIRDOS: the Nigerians who are all over. you’re at brew bistro, a lad comes to you claiming his father is a king . why is he in Kenya? yet his dad can organize a dance for all the beautiful ladies from his village? all he has to do is choose. the Congolese are here too. a guy with rainbow colored clothes and dyed Mohawk hair who approaches you the world, run!
Prince: Finally he comes along. Its like he was watching you and laughing out loud while you kissed frogs.He pops up after you have given up with love and silly conversations. he is persistent and you give him the last shot. He is gentle, treats you with respect just the way he’d want his mum and sisters to be treated. You become his muse, priority, compass, best friend and silence is comfortable. He’s never scared of showing you off to his family and friends. you’re smitten and so is he then you realize that all the rest were important because its a sign that the search is over. you’re in a good place and he sees his future in your eyes and happy ever after actually exists in your book the day you stand before God and family to declare your vows. I ain’t saying its a bed of roses but there shouldn’t be regrets even during the storms. WHEN HE COMES YOU WILL KNOW.
my point is, don’t say you love her or me, unless you do. don’t promise me tonight without tomorrow. don’t say you need me, unless you act like you do. if you’re a guy who’s over 25 and acting like a boy,style up because it’s about time.