This is actually a title from a spoken word poetry by Edwin Bodney. The title is “when a boy tells you he loves you.” I subscribed to button poetry and this has to be the most accurate spoken word poem I have ever listened to. I will put my thoughts into words  and with all honesty, I think one needs to distinguish a man from a boy and a man from a gentleman. Let’s talk about my situation and words from a boy. “when a boy tells you he loves you, he means I am getting ready to be inconsistent with you.”  Why should I play chess then he plays checkers. Its like a rose growing from concrete. Before you say those words, be sure that you won’t waste my time and I sure as hell won’t waste yours.First of all…

When a boy tells you he loves you
It’ll be the first time you hear this
It is late and he isn’t even there to tell you this in person but instead from a car ride home from a bar in Chicago he is there on business
And of course you will smile
Because he sounds like he means it
Because you believe him
Because a boy has never handed those words to you like crushed black berries in the palms of his hands
Firm, young, full
Waiting to taste sweet with you, his arms, creeping vines begging to touch the sun, and your face saying; here
Take everything I have ever touched to be closer to you
His breath waiting to be folded into a love note passed in between the nape of your neck and his front teeth
He will remember the time you told him you felt safe in his mouth and he will never grow hungry…

I knew him through a friend during an event. He was those guys whom got attention from literally everyone in that event, well, floodlights rugby game. A guy who talked to so many people and its almost like he owned the whole of impala club. Truth is, he was cute but I am the type who can never give you any satisfaction to feel hot and sexy. Its almost like having a celebrity crush then one day you meet up with them but I would totally downplay them and show them disinterest. His name was Adrian and not that he told me his name but guys from the crowd would shout at him and just wave as if it was an accomplishment. I figured he was either in a band, a rugby player or a journalist. I asked my friend who the guy was and he said, he was his friend and a rugby player. He plays for harlequins rugby club. I know of only one friend who plays for Quins but a very chilled guy.

There’s something about chilled guys. The type that knows they can get any woman but choose to downplay their confidence. The type that don’t chase women but women will flaunt themselves on him and that’s my point, I really can’t give such a guy satisfaction that they can wrap me on their little finger if they want to. It’s not playing hard to get, but more of self respect. Adrian was loud and delinquent. Weird enough after all the scrutiny, he came and said hi to my friend then sat next to me pushing my friend to the side. In his words ” lemme sit next to an African princess.” Focused on the game, which I don’t know much about but pulls a bourgie crowd in, all Adrian  did was distract me. He had worn Nike shoes, blue jeans, black pull neck and red hood which was unzipped.

Fast forward, I got a call on a Wednesday evening and my friend, Jay had given Adrian my number. I was shocked considering I only gave him attitude the whole entire time. Right now with all honesty, the one thing that I loathe is for someone to waste my time. These are hard times and one ought to be vigilant with choices. A choice to spend forever with a wrong person will cost your kids so much. A choice to make wrong choices with a dumb guy will cost you regret. Adrian on the line, ” Hey Twallie, its Adrian.” I knew who Adrian was but my ego got into character. ” who is Adrian?” I responded . He begun explaining himself as if to sanctify himself from the vibe he gave me. He then asked me where I was and I was sure he wasn’t in C.B.D so I said Town. Alas!” I’m in town too.” How do you get off from that? So I insisted I was in a hurry but he was having none of it as he volunteered to drive me to wherever I was going.

An impromptu date happened. I actually smiled while walking towards the table. You would think I was smitten. He was just from work and the impala  club Adrian was the complete opposite of the Adrian I saw, well…till he spoke. Like a gentleman, he pulled a seat for me and that earned him a point of chivalry. His dress code earned him Two points and the choice of restaurant earned him 3 points because of the ambience. He starts with the nitty- gritty of knowing about my day and so far so good. One hour in that sitting and I am actually able to place someone accordingly. That is if you will forever be my friend, if I will tolerate you by never saving your number or if we will have a couple of more dates.

When a boy tells you he loves you
You will hear music
The voice of your past lovers dancing up your throat
Your stomach, in after hours cabaret, still waiting on the last call
That was when you learned that when a boy says “I love you” he means I am getting ready to be inconsistent with you now

I agree that some people fall in love very fast depending on how you click from the beginning. Love has no time lines. Adrian kept going on and on flossing and that just throws me off.  The title of this blog is when a boy talks of love and  by the way it’s not a reflection of age. Age has got nothing to do with maturity as you can have a conversation with a 50 year old and get nothing important from their lips and you can have a conversation with a 21 year old and gaze in awe of their depth with life. So Adrian talks about how he wants to settle with someone who looks like Beyonce, don’t care like Cardi- B and can sire him kids without baby fat.This is a 29 year old boy who has this kinds of thoughts. I honestly don’t reply but he goes on and on about how no guy can settle with one woman and its normal to cheat. He has never been in love before because he hates commitments. Its okay to not respond to some type of reasoning and you can just smile and question why someone is wasting your time. I mean if you can’t commit, what exactly do you want from me and its clearly not friendship.

This boy will tell you that he loves you
Not long after he had you waiting for 2 hours in front of a cocktail lounge
Patience is something you are working on
But no, not for him
When he asks you to tell him that you love him back, you will be in a car in the parking lot of a late night diner
You will watch the words fall into your lap like a spilled glass of white wine
You will remember the day your courier pigeon heart got lost in the wind because that was a message it did not know how or where to carry and one by one the boys have fallen as silently as the birds do

I have learnt over time that when a boy tells you he loves you, he will say those words in your most vulnerable situation. When a boy says he loves, he has seen the sculpture of your being and equates you to KFC chicken. When a boy tells you he loves you, observe his character more. Most times he will tell you he loves you and tells you to go for a sleepover so he can cook for you. Communication and time will be a de-factor to him.

So eloquently they used to speak until I asked the questions that broke them into ghosts
That bled me into a corpse with so many questions of my own for the soil but they’re tongues do not know simple
The things I should be hearing, the things that will make us living men in this time of insatiable yet dying lovers
When a boy tells you he loves you
Only to become silent like a folded sheet of tissue paper
Not wanting you to decrease him into the truth

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When a man says he loves you, he will actually pursue you and get you. When a man utters those words, you will feel secure from the beginning. When a man says he loves you, he will involve you in his future plans. He won’t be scared to flaunt you anywhere. Best believe he will come have a cup of tea with your mum.When a man means those words , you will be introduced to his first love of his life; mum. His character and actions will speak volumes and commitment won’t have to be an issue. When a man tells you he loves, look deep into his eyes and you’ll understand there’s a deeper meaning to eye contact than you could ever imagine. Quit being the girl who is always taken advantage of. Quit being a boy and be the sculpture of your beard, veins and muscles.

Do not crack your face into the fullest crescent moon of the tapered bottom of a blackened sky
He never meant a single word of any of it
He is just a boy, remember?
He is just another silly, sad boy, remember?

I placed Adrian accordingly but maybe I might reconsider because now he’s acting like a man but God gives second chances and I’m not God.

♡self loathing millennials♡

5 Comments

  1. PriNCe AyoDI_jNr Reply

    😂 😂 😂 😂 This clearly is for the ladies to comprehend…… I can’t contribute
    Wonderful piece 👌🏾

  2. Love,,,it’s just more than a word but this generation has completely lost meaning in it but its just a word they throw around..

    This is a discussion for another day. Perfect piece, and some deep emotions attached to it.

  3. Pingback: AS A GIRL NEXT DOOR. – TWALHA

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